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Your girlfriend is fat.....poke her fat belly button and say "I thought the pillsbury doughboy always laughed?"


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#1 Pelly <3's U

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 10:02 PM

So Askmen is a website for men, with articles dedicated to helping them with special problems that may arise with the territory. And recently they came out with an article to help the fellas' with a problem I'm sure many of us have faced in our lifetime.

Your girlfriend is a "grumpy lard ass", how do you shame her into looking better for you.

Well now you have the answer with 10 easy tips from the folks at Askmen !! I've bolded some parts to be helpful to you !!

No.1 - Take her to places where she has to wear a swimsuit
If she seems content staying at home eating donuts in her track pants, why not start taking her to places where she has no choice but to where a swimsuit? As she awkwardly looks around at all the slender bodies having a great time, she'll more than likely vow to do something about her recent weight gain, especially if she knows she'll be back there in the not-so-distant future.

No.2 - Leave "now" and "then" photos lying around
This is a highly effective way to draw attention to the explicit changes to her body as you see them. By consistently reminding her of how she used to look, she'll inevitably be more inclined to do something about her excess flab. Appropriately chosen and strategically placed photos should accomplish this quite nicely. Keep in mind, if she confronts you about trying to shame her into losing weight, the key approach here is denial, as you reply: "Do you actually think I would be that manipulative?" Of course you would, but she doesn't need to know that.

No.3 - Sabotage her chair
Sometimes as men we have to get downright nefarious to get what we want. You might not be proud of stooping to this level, but nothing says "better lose some weight" like a broken chair. After you loosen a few screws or remove some important slats of a chair in which you know she'll sit and subsequently break, sit back and watch the guaranteed dietary transformation that ensues. It will profoundly amaze you.

No.4 - Ask her to wear an old dress
Plan a romantic night out for the two of you and insist that she wears something from when you first got together; particularly something that you know doesn't fit her anymore. This way she'll have to admit to you that she's put on too much weight and can no longer get into many of her old clothes. Follow it up by telling her how good she looked in those days, and maybe she'll make it her mission to get back to that size.

No.5 - Playfully grab her love handles
Ask any man and he'll tell you that he instinctively flexes his biceps whenever a woman touches them. The same thing goes for a woman when you make contact with any unwanted flab: She recoils and feels embarrassment. Use this reaction to your advantage. Even if she thinks that you're too busy at work to have noticed a few extra pounds, if you continually rest your hand on her love handles (or even lightly pinch them), she'll soon realize that you're becoming increasingly aware of something that never used to be there before.

No.6 - Improve your own diet
It's very easy for the two of you to fall into the downward spiral in which many couples begin to replace sexual intimacy with ice cream and cake. Don't let this happen by focusing on your own health requirements and staking your right to a junk-food-free home. It might even be the only way of separating her from the fatty foods which have led to the current problem.

No.7 - Serve her unsatisfactory portions
When dishing up meals for the two of you, try giving her smaller-than-usual amounts. By making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain, and hopefully to instigate a conversation about what she's going to do about it. If you feel as though you're starving yourself in the process, remember you can always go back for more when she's not looking.

No.8 - Set out on your own weight loss plan
Here's an interesting experiment for you using reverse psychology. A subtle way to tell her she's getting fat is to tell her you're not happy with your own level of fitness and she may begin to open her eyes to the wider picture. By referencing yourself in any plans to lose weight, you're also subtly telling her that you're not the only one who might benefit from a diet. And even if she does see through your ploy, she'll at least appreciate the tact you have shown and will hopefully take the message on board.

No.9 - Sign her up for yoga under the pretence of "stress relief"
This works particularly well if your girlfriend still hasn't worked out the link between an active lifestyle and emotional well-being. Tell her you have found exactly what she needs to help her relax, a regular spiritual cleanse in the form of a yoga class. Make sure you choose an intense, calorie-burning form (power yoga or ashtanga yoga), otherwise she may end up rolling around on the floor a couple times a week with no real benefits. The beauty of yoga is that if you dress it up as a way to relieve stress, she may not realize that she's being tricked into shedding a few pounds, and even if she does, you'll end up with a happier, more self-confident girlfriend rather than a grumpy lard-ass.


No.10 - Buy her clothes that are too small
If you buy her clothes that are obviously too small for her, not only will she finally have to admit that she's putting on weight, but she can easily return them for her correct size. First, she'll have to reveal to you that the clothes are too small. "Oh," you might say, "I thought you were a size 8. Isn't that what you were last summer?" The onus is now on her to do something about it.


...haha oh wait did I say breaking her chair was number 3, I mean TAKE HER ON A FANCY DATE OOOOPS

Honestly when I first read the article I was expecting it to be satire, maybe followed by a 'Do you keep finding hatboxes around the house? 10 ways to keep your lady cooking instead of spending your hard earned money" or even a "9 ways to tell your boyfriend that his penis doesn't satisfy you".

Nope apparently they are serious (though saying number 3 was a joke then changing it isn't a good way to lead your audience guys).

Despite all the unsavory stuff this article draws attention too, I think the worst is that you should manipulate and play games in your relationship. God forbid you actually act like an adult and talk things through.

The sad thing is this almost had the makings of good satire, the chair thing was pretty funny.

#2 The Name-Changing Wisp

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 10:12 PM

And this is why you don't need to trust Men-dedicated/girl-dedicated sites, they are bullshit 95% of the times.

I did laugh in some of them tho.

#3 The Operator

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 10:14 PM

Screw talking and understanding eachother. Manipulation is the true key to relationships.

This is... so fucking dumb! Why would you encourage manipulation and dishonesty in relationships! The hell is wrong with them!?

#4 VEDJ-F

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 10:24 PM

And for every single one of those points, I'd say "fuck you and your stupid games, I'm not losing a gram for your idoitic schemes".

#5 Unknown User

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 10:59 PM

This is why I am NEVER getting into a relationship.

#6 Pelly <3's U

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 11:01 PM

This is why I am NEVER getting into a relationship.


This article isn't exactly the model for all relationships, so I wouldn't say this is the ideal reaction to it.

The best way you could protect yourself again negative emotional manipulation is to be confident in yourself, have self respect, and look for these qualities in another person (who you also respect).

#7 Blue Blood

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 11:08 PM

This is why I am NEVER getting into a relationship.

That is ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. Do you think any decent person, man or woman, would do anything like this?

EDIT: Oh right, you're 13. In that case, things will change as you get older.

Edited by Blue Blood, 30 July 2011 - 11:52 PM.


#8 Unknown User

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 11:56 PM

This article isn't exactly the model for all relationships, so I wouldn't say this is the ideal reaction to it.

The best way you could protect yourself again negative emotional manipulation is to be confident in yourself, have self respect, and look for these qualities in another person (who you also respect).



I was joking. :mellow: My post sounds embarrassing, doesn't it?

Edited by Ishtar, 31 July 2011 - 12:05 AM.


#9 Octarine

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 11:57 PM

Woah. Every single item on that list sounds like a wacky scheme straight out of a mediocre sitcom. Remember, guys, when you're dissatisfied with your significant other's looks, just pretend you're in an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond!

#10 Lady Lily

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 12:10 AM

Wow. That's just crazy. Although, I do know that my friend's husband has done a couple of these to her - such as #1 and #3 - But he's a complete ass.

#11 turbojet

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 12:20 AM

Okay, as hilarious as some of those are, I can't believe this was meant to be taken seriously. Every time my girlfriend brings up her weight(she noticed that she is getting chubby while I recently lost 15 pounds due to exercise and dieting), I skillfully let her do the talking and let her come to her own conclusions. While it isn't upfront, it is a conversation about an extremely touchy issue.

Edit: Just realized that it said "girlfriends" instead of "girlfriend." Turbojet be running a New Workout Plan.

Edited by turbojet, 31 July 2011 - 03:04 AM.


#12 Gilda

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 12:28 AM

What turbojet said. It does seem right on the edge of being supposed to be taken literally, but it seems like it was originally satire from the start and then changed a bit to mess with people.

#13 Pelly <3's U

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 02:28 AM

Hmm I thought it was satire at first too, but the fact that they changed one of the entries on the grounds that they slipped it in as a joke and people took it seriously to me says that it's not.

I mean if you're writing it all as a joke why say that usually in articles you try to slip in one joke. Why would you even take a joke out then.

I think they probably were trying to be helpful to men who wanted to try to figure out a way to get their partners to lose weight.....I just think it's awful XD

#14 JezMM

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 04:40 AM

Sab...o...tage... chair...


*looks up from notepad* Huh, I'm sorry, what you guys talking about?

#15 VEDJ-F

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 07:52 AM

I especially lol'd at the chair thing, given that my dad builds his chairs so solidly that you could sit an elephant on them no problem.

#16 Glenn

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 09:17 AM

Sab...o...tage... chair...


*looks up from notepad* Huh, I'm sorry, what you guys talking about?

Why are you making notes? :huh: Your girl is freakin' gorgeous!

While I did laugh whilst reading the list, thinking it to be comedy, the overall fact that it is intended as a serious piece of advice is pretty sickening. Both genders have their low moments, and this definitely counts as a minus point against the "bloke" attitude in general.

Just hope people realise that it doesn't speak for all men, everywhere.

#17 Mollfie

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 11:26 AM

Why are you making notes? :huh: Your girl is freakin' gorgeous!


It's cool, he's just trying to be one step ahead of me ¬_¬



Considering that this website also has lists of the hottest women, how to tell if you're not the Alpha male, how to pick up women etc I just can't take it seriously. It paints the image of douchey men reading about douchey subjects because they think they're awesome. I can think of some guys who would love this site and agree with a lot that's posted.

I don't understand why people can't just accept that your partners body might change, they won't be 21 for ever. Also, especially for women, if you have kids then your body will change a lot and will most likely never look how it did before hand, considering all the changes it goes through. But you should love each other enough to deal with it and not be so immature and insensitive. I hate that we live in a society that expects perfection.

Seriously, I don't care if my partner gains a little weight, aslong as they're still healthy. How would I deal with it? I'd be honest. If I thought they was being unhealthy I'd suggest they puts down the ice-cream. But I'd also do it with they, why not? I could go without the odd bag of crisps or whatever.

I did comment on the article itself that it reads more as "Top 10: Subtle ways to give your girlfriend an eating disorder". It's all so underhand, and as a girl who has had some issues surrounding food, and has had friends with eating disorders, I would be deeply hurt if someone said or acted towards me or someone I knew in ways that the list suggests. It might seem funny, and yeah not all women will be bothered by these sorts of things, but many women would be really upset and it could cause lots of problems.

What's so hard about being sensitive and emphathetic with others, especially those you apparently love and care about?

#18 DanielJ86

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 11:43 AM

Hmph...the whole list sounds like a joke to me. What's worse is that it's a joke that's not even funny.

Anybody that would be dumb enough to do any of those doesn't deserve a girlfriend.

Although I do think it would be a good idea for both parties to be healthy, I'm currently dieting and exercising and I wouldn't want my partner(fictional) to think I was trying to trick them becouse I reckoned they needed to lose some pounds.

But maybe I'm just bitter becouse I don't have the confidance to find a girlfriend, apparently nice guys finish last after all. ...oh well...

I'm so lonely...*sniffle*

#19 Saint Nathan

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 12:48 PM

am i seriously the only one who thought some of this was genuinely good advice

i mean a few of them are hilariously dumb

but like some of them aren't that bad

#20 Mr. Needlemark

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 12:55 PM

:|
...Good grief.




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