5 replies to this topic

[Warrior-STH]

AHEM!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and all members of the community (both human and non). I proudly present my story, titled Mobius VII - Escape from the City! First, a disclaimer:

DISCLAIMER:
: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, SEGASonic, Sonic the Hedgehog, SATAM, Sonic X and all characters, plots, settings and storylines related to any of these games/comic books/TV series. They belong to Squaresoft, Square-Enix, Sonic Team, SEGA, Nintendo and Sonic Archie respectively. :

That's right people, you heard me right. It's a Sonic/FFVII cross-over thingy. Now BEFORE you bring out the torches and pitchforks, here's a couple things to clear up:

This isn't a cross-over per say, merely it's a re-telling of the FFVII story in the Sonic Universe. Also, it's not an exact, word-for-word copy of the original script either. I've tried to make this as interesting and original and the source allows it, while still following said source. And I've done that by not only adding supporting OC's but by also including new events and adding new elements that were not presented in the games previously.

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But I think y'all are getting pretty bored of my lame explanations to justify this fic. So just sit back, relax, enjoy a drink. And read the summary!

One thing to note, I'll be updating every 2-3 weeks after the first chapter has been posted (which will be later tonight). Now let's get started: Click the spoiler button and enjoy.

Spoiler

MOBIUS VII

Book 1: The Escape from the City

Mobius. For ages, this planet has been home to two sentient species; Homo Sapiens and Anthro Sapiens; Humans and Mobians. As the years went by, conflicts and tensions rose between the two species, particularly about purity between them, as Mobians and Humans who bred together created a mix of the two known as Interbreds, which were greatly shunned upon by both.

It is now the year 3245. Technology has grown to the point where quick, intercontinental travel is possible, allowing civilization to flourish in a golden era of modernization. The great city of Megapolis, lying on the Eastern Continent, is the most dominant metropolis on Mobius, and is run by the ex-weapons manufacturer-turned-electric monopoly Kintobor Inc, led by the cruel and money hungry president, Gerald Kintobor. The city is home to all kinds of people; Mobian, Human and Interbreds, all coming from different walks of life. The city is powered by RINGTEK energy, created from its pure, golden-silver liquid form, Mako and condensed until it forms a small ring. These small rings have the capability to power entire city blocks. Mako is syphoned from Mobius' crust using RINGTEK reactors. Many organizations have opposed using RINGTEK, arguing that the extraction methods are slowly killing the planet. While many have demonstrated their concerns peacefully, some factions have resorted to violent means to get their message across. Kintobor answered back these terrorists with its army, among which its main police force, SOLDIER, are considered the best of the best. SOLDIER's are infused with pure Mako energy to greatly enhance all aspects of the body, becoming the perfect military force. Those captured by the Kintobor Army are sent to the detention centers where detainees were either executed or thrown into the Roboticizer to become mechanical slaves to Kintobor Inc.

An Ex-SOLDIER-turned-Mercenary for Hire Miles "Tails" Prower has recently been hired by the ecoterrorist organization TORNADO, who are currently fighting the opressive Kintobor Inc. and their abuse of the Mako energy; the planet's lifeblood. However, after a chance meeting with a mysterious Interbred, he is thrusted into a wild adventure that will have him and several others traveling across Mobius to find the truth about himself and his destiny to stop a force that threatens to tear the planet asunder...

And thus, the story begins...

[Warrior-STH]

Oh to hell with it lol. I'll just start posting the story.

Here's chapter 1. See ya in a few weeks!

Spoiler

Chapter 1: Rain in the RINGTEK Mako Metropolis

It started to rain.

The tiny droplets fell from the ashen, polluted skies for the first time in what seemed like ages. The dark and dreary clouds parted slightly, letting small beams of sunlight hit a cliff overlooking the gigantic city of Megapolis.

As the light made its way up the face of the cliff, the tiny beams finally rested on the two figures that lay on its peak. Slowly, the light danced onto their bodies as the rain gently fell, finally making their way to the closed eyelids of the first figure, a young, 21 year old fox. Light raindrops stirred the figure awake as he felt the cold water sink its way through his navy-blue SOLDIER uniform and into his orange fur. Slowly the fox raised his head and opened his eyes, revealing two oddly shining blue irises. He scanned the area ahead, finally resting on the second figure lying still near him, a hedgehog.

Raindrops trickled down the hedgehog's blue fur and quills, onto his own uniform and down his red track shoes. The expression on his face was strange; both happy and scared. When the fox saw his expression, his eyebrows rose in surprise, but what surprised him, no, scared him even more, was the fact that the look on his face was frozen.

'What the hell happened here?' The fox thought.

Before he knew it, his mind traveled back 15 minutes ago…

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"Miles! Get outta here, NOW!" The hedgehog hollered, as the fox, Miles stared at him, confused.

The spiky blue warrior brandished his enormous blade; the Buster Sword, and dashed to his opponents with blazing speed. Through Miles' eyes, he saw his ally battle valiantly against multiple opponents, however, his vision was blurry and out of focus, tinted in a misty light green.

Miles watched helplessly as his friend battled onwards, hacking and cleaving his way through the soldiers. On some occasions, the hedgehog leapt into the air and started to somersault with intense speed, before launching himself towards his opponents. Miles barely recognized this attack; it was his friend's famous "Triple-S" Attack, which he used to clear the opposing force.

Seeing that his job was done, he started to limp over to Miles' location, his body tired from his shoulder aching and bleeding where a stray bullet hit and all the constant fighting the two experienced while traveling to Megapolis. He sat in front of Miles, smiling, holding his Buster Sword in his left hand while he used his right to nurse his injured shoulder.

"Tch, damn bro. I must've gotten careless…" he muttered to Miles, who said nothing. "But don't worry about a thing Miles, were almost there; Megapolis is within our grasp!" He said with an air of confidence, as he assumed Miles was listening.

"Ugh… aahhh… ohhh…" was all Miles could say, his eyes only seeing green haze.


The fox tried to sit up, but his muscles failed him, and he ended up back on the hard, lifeless ground.

"Ahhh don't worry about it bro, you'll get better in no time, after we get into the city, and find a place to crash," the blue hedgehog said with a huge grin plastered on his muzzle. "Don't forget though, as soon as your better, were gonna be mercenaries! Me n you! Together were gonna be called Tails and S…" he stopped as his enhanced hearing kicked in.

He perked his ears up, listening for any unusual sounds. That's when he heard the sound of a gun reloading, readying and aiming right for…

His eyes widened as he knew his best friend was in grave danger. Using what little energy he had left, he jumped into the gun's line of sight, as the rifle fired. He let out piercing scream as the bullet penetrated his lower abdomen.

Cursing slightly, the hedgehog struggled to get up, using his massive blade as a support. As soon as he did, he felt more bullets pierce his body, forcing him to nearly black out from all the pain. Resisting the urge to pass out, the hedgehog raised his blade and started running towards the gunmen. It was then he yelled his final words…

"TAILS! RUN!"

BANG!

And it was then that Miles' weakened body forced him to pass out…

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About five minutes later, the rain started. Moments later, the sun started to peek through the polluted clouds. It was roughly 30 seconds afterward when Miles, or Tails as he was called due to his twin tails, awoke alone, with no gunmen in sight; assuming that he was dead.

But it only took a fraction of a second for him to realize what his friends frozen expression finally meant. His friend, the spiky blue furred hedgehog, died protecting him.

Tears started to well up in the fox's eyes. 'No' he thought. 'My friend wouldn't want me to live like this.'

Realizing this, he opened his eyes and wiped his tears. That's when his eyes fell to the sword clutched in his best friend's hand; the Buster Sword.

Suddenly, Tails felt his strength returning, although it was coming back little by little. He started to crawl to his friend's side where the Buster Sword lay. His vision started to return to normal, then it enhanced itself; allowing Tails to see everything with enhanced visibility, range and contrast. His hearing started to become extra sensitive; he could probably hear a pin drop 50 miles away now. As he steadily crawled up to his comrade's side, he looked at the massive blade that was before him. To any normal man or Mobian, one would probably exert vast amounts of energy to lift the sword. Even those with great strength would have a bit of trouble wielding it. But to the hedgehog, he wielded the behemoth blade as if it was part of his own arm.

'If he can do it, then so can I,' Tails thought to himself.

Little did he realize that his muscles were getting stronger at an incredible rate, to the point where he could probably lift a grown man effortlessly. He grasped the hilt of the sword, and discovered that it was still warm.

The feeling of the hilt's soft grip comforted Tails; it was like his friend was still with him, guiding him.

He then tried to lift it, the weight of it making his right arm tremble as he raised the sword over his head, as though he was victorious. The fox's eyes turned towards the heavens and he uttered a prayer through his mind before he finally stood up and used the blade as a walking stick as he headed down the cliff, towards Megapolis as the rain started to come down faster and harder.

'Source, I shall live for him, I shall live his life for him, the one who saved my life and gave me a new one.'

'Sonic, my friend, Thank you…'

Little did he know that a voice in his head was laughing silently…

End Chapter

Edited by Warrior-STH, 26 October 2011 - 04:26 AM.

[Legendary Emerald]

Huh. Interesting idea. I've seen ideas like this work in the past, such as a retelling of the game with the Final Fantasy 8 cast, so I know it can work. What you've got right now is a pretty bare-bones intro, though. Everyone knows the story of FFVII, and you rattling off the main differences between it and your retelling is not the most engaging way to start the story. It's backround information that isn't needed at the start of the story; let the world you're building reveal itself through the narrative, rather than providing it on a plate.

I'd suggest scraping this intro all together if you are really going through with this, and starting with your own version of the FFVII intro sequence. It would be a much better attention grabber, and you can have RINGTEK and Mako explained later, through either character exposition (understandable at times) or through Tail's own knowledge (conveying the information just as you have in this intro, but in a context sensitive manner).

Also, I'd suggest finding a new word for Mako, or changing the name of the RINGTEK reactors; as it stands, it will just seem odd to anyone with knowledge of FFVII to see the reactors have their names changed, but the life energy itself have the same name. In other words, if the life energy is still Mako, why aren't the RINGTEK reactors just called Mako reactors? After all, its not like Shinra called it's Mako reactors "Shrinra reactors".

I'll keep tabs on this story, and see how it develops. The world could certainly use an actually decent FF/Sonic crossover. Hopefully your idea won't stick too close to it's FFVII source material that it becomes redundant and pointless to read.

[Warrior-STH]

Thanks for the response. I'll keep it in mind. Check out the first chapter. I guarantee you'll be pretty surprised .

Also, all will be explained later on in terms of Mako. The naming is actually very integral to the story. I'll PM you an exact quote that will be featured in Book II, if you're interested.

Edited by Warrior-STH, 26 October 2011 - 04:34 AM.

[Legendary Emerald]

Thanks for the response. I'll keep it in mind. Check out the first chapter. I guarantee you'll be pretty surprised .

Also, all will be explained later on in terms of Mako. The naming is actually very integral to the story. I'll PM you an exact quote that will be featured in Book II, if you're interested.

Oh wow, I didn't even notice you'd posted the first chapter as well. Fuckin' spoiler tags, man. Didn't even see it.

...

Okay, read the first chapter. Yes, this is certainly better. With a first chapter like this, it makes the prologue even more unnecessary and detrimental to the overall story. The chapter isn't perfect, but it does immediately put the reader into the environment. Some improvements could be made, however. For instance, the third paragraph has far too many uses of the word "light", to the point where it became distracting, and two of the final three paragraphs begin with the phrase "little did he". Also, a better description of the environment, the assailants, and Sonic himself would be nice, even if you only say that Tail's can't remember exactly what the enemies looked like.

Finally, and this is an issue I had with the game you are basing your story on as well, but why did the "shinra" soldiers not check the bodies? The fact that they just "assumed" both were dead is very had to believe. In Crisis Core, they amended the scene to show that Cloud had been hidden away before the fight started, lending some plausibility to the fact that he was not captured or killed. However, if you were to try and copy that, then it would be impossible for Tails to have viewed the fight scene in the first place... and actually, regardless of whether he was able to see the fight at the time, was he in the right mental state to even recognize all that was happening? The more I think about it, the less I find myself satisfied.

I think I would have had Tails hidden away from Sonic during his fight. The chapter could then begin with Tail's numbly hearing Sonic tell him to stay put and out of sight, and then only hearing the battle from a distance and not fully comprehending what any of the clashes and gunfire meant. Tail's could snap to full or near-full consciousness once the rain starts, discover, Sonic's corpse, wordlessly put together what must have happened, and then pick up the sword and follow his new path in life.

That idea would probably lower the length of the chapter, and lose most of the dialogue, but it would be much tighter and more enthralling. Besides, if you do continue the story for a good length of time, you'll be able to give Sonic his proper characterization and more dialogue in succeeding chapters/books. Again, don't be afraid to let some details be learned later. Readers don't like a full platter. They want to put the pieces together themselves.

I look forward to the next chapter.

[Warrior-STH]

Thanks! Sorry for the wait. I've played the crap out of Sonic Generations, so I'll be focusing back to the story now.

As to why they didn't check the bodies to see if they were dead, well that entire flashback sequence was in Tails POV. I've never played Crisis Core until only a few months ago, and I've been writing this story for the better part of 4 years so adding elements of that game would be kind of moot in my opinion. Furthermore, I actually based this first chapter on the flashback sequence in FFVII, when you return to the Nibelheim Mansion as Cloud in disc 2/3. At the end of that sequence, you see Zack dragging Cloud with him to the cliff with him, he didn't hide him as in Crisis Core. And at the end, the soldiers did check the bodies, but the head guy was like "don't bother, the other one is dead as it is," or something like that (I'll have to see the sequence again to see).

Reading over it again, I suppose I did use "light" a little too much, as well as "little did he know." I'll go over those again and try to fix them up a bit to make it less distracting. Sonic's/Zack's character has huge prominence in my story as well, you'll see in later chapters.

Thanks for your input! Your comments are totally appreciated! Stay tuned!