
Alright, everyone.
Segata Sanshiro needs to be in this game. Not for his own glory, but for the benefit of your sanity and health. It is written in gaming lore and foretold in the stars in ancient 8-bit space shooters such as Galaga and Space Invaders that Segata Sanshiro is, in fact, the proverbial Chuck Norris of video games. He will have his return. He was resurrected after being seemingly obliterated while riding on a Sony-owned missile just to tell the crowd in a Dreamcast convention to cheer for Sonic's name or he'll snap their necks. You think people cared about Sonic at that point? Oh, no... no, they feared for their lives. If you take the sound sample from Sonic Adventure where the crowd is cheering for their Sonic at the final climax in the game, you can set it up to an advanced emotion detector (they have these at SEGA's HQ, they are run by Saturn technology) and the machine will explode from the fear they were expressiing after seeing Segata Sanshiro's resurrected (and beautiful) face, who was threatening their lives with a neck hold.
But enough about my childhood, how is Segata Sanshiro going to race in this game? Well, first of all, some ground rules. Sanshiro will
not be playing on the PS3. He despises Sony after they tried to wipe out SEGA's HQ that one time, so Sony gets no Segata. Second, whenever you play as him, or whenever he is randomly selected for a race, the music dynamically changes, as S0L puts it, around
HIM and
HIS vehicle. Also, Sonic and Segata can
not be in the same race. Segata is furious at Sonic for not putting out a good game for the Saturn. Well, it's less Segata being furious and more of Sonic being a scared pansy. That's right, if you pick Sonic and the game randomly selects Segata Sanshiro, you are forced to play as another racer against your will, most likely Big the Cat. Even if he isn't a racer you can usually play. Whenever Segata bumps into another racer, they immediately stop their engines and crawl out of their vehicles to cower in a fetal position for a few minutes. Yes, Segata is a little OP, but we need to stay true to his character.
So, what vehicle does he ride? Not a SEGA Saturn, not yet. We have plans for this. No, for ground, Segata Sanshiro rides the Super Hang-On, in true SEGA fashion. Besides, bikes are cool. He gets some good speed and handling. Then, when he hits the water, it turns into the jet-ski from Wave Runner. Finally, in the air, it's the F-14 Tomcat from After Burner. Oh, and the music changes to those game's respective themes. As the Tomcat, Segata has infinite ammo. This might be the most OP of all the transformations, but we can't exactly complain. He wanted this, and we have to oblige.
Oh... and his All Star Move? Here comes the SEGA Saturn TANK! It's a tank made in the style of a SEGA Saturn (white or black at random) and whenever it touches a racer, they explode and fly out of the track. In fact, you won't be able to play as them for 2 weeks of gameplay time. They need to recover from how hard their tails got handed to them. Except NiGHTS, because NiGHTS was on the SEGA Saturn, and that's A-O-K with Segata. The tank shoots nuclear bombs, and the music in the background is the chorus from his glorious theme song.
... Sega Satān,
Shiro!!!
Edited by Indigo Rush, 06 May 2012 - 01:19 PM.