Sonic.exe Portable

[sonicx assasin]

I'm a big sonic fan girl and even after this I still am It gave me a reality check on dark games can be. It started on a Saturday morning I was on E-bay looking for some sonic deals. While looking I saw a Sonic Classic Collection for only $4. It seemed too good to be true so I checked the pictures. It had seemed to well look like the thing was supposed to, i guess the person didn't like it so they put it at a low price so they didn't have see it again. I clicked the buy button and that’s where all of the problems started for me.

The game came to me a week later. after getting my mail I grabbed my Amy Rose ds ,Amy Is my favorite sonic character, and put in the game. like normal It asked for the language, I picked english and then came to the main menu. Excited I picked the games options there was only the first sonic game, for some reason. Thinking that I have to unlock the other games I pressed A.

When It popped up it showed the normal Sonic the Hedgehog opening.But when I pressed start I saw a split second image. What I saw was, the blue sky seemed to become gray. the ring sonic was in became rusted, the sea became red as blood, and sonic eyes were replaced with red dots and under the “eyes” was well I guess blood.

Soon after It came to the title card it said “hill act 1” It stayed like this for about 5 seconds it then showed tails in green hill zone. I had him run for about half a minute then I saw some of the flowers except they were dead. After tails ran for 20 seconds I saw what I thought at the time was sonic. After seeing him tails started walk to him. In the background was static when tails got closer to him the static got louder and louder. after tails got to sonic the screen went to black then a message appeared I said”hello would you like to play a game”.

The title came back but this time It said “hide and seek”. The stage had changed to what looked like Angel Island after it was burned. I then had tails run the level but when I stopped tails seemed to look at me and was crying at the same time. Soon after I saw a sonic chasing tails with the running out of breath tone play in the back ground. The tone was like a metaphor that tails was running out of time at, least that's what I think he caught up to tails and tails was just crying for half a minute then sonic suddenly appeared then lunged at tails. Tails Gave A very high pitched scream ,It almost made me break my DS on the floor. A message then appeared that said “You're too slow want to try again?”

The screen again cut to black the title card came again but this time it said “you can’t run act 2” it showed knuckles in a level of sonic that I never seen before. I made him run for about a minute when the screen turned to static for 10 seconds. then It showed knuckles but the level had became all bloody. Knuckles ran for another minute. then just like with tails he just appeared out of nowhere."Found You!" the fount was not all the same ,just random uses of the letters form the games. And then a ghostly sonic was standing front of knuckles. I then had knuckles punch him but now he was behind him  the same happened again and again for a while.Then knuckles fell and was crying. At that time It made me think of the mental torture he was going through. The same scream as before came again so then I realized that this could have been hacked. then a message said”so many souls to play with so little time wouldn’t you agree”

This time when the title card came up It said “___” when the screen came back I saw eggman.”What the hell,” I whispered. Wandering why eggman was even in this, because he has never been a playable character in the original games. I had him run down the stairs that I saw. after running for a minute sonic came again right out of the thin air but now he seemed be larger than before. The screen was now static for a long time then a message came up.“Ha Kyle, Tom ,and you Riley. oh you three trusted me too much and now it’s time to play, are you ready for round 2 Riley?” Then I was back at the game menu but this time Sonic the hedgehog 2 was now there.That was when I decided to finish it through I had to figure out what was going on. So I got ready to press START.

[McGroose]

We don't want any

[Kaze no Klonoa]

This creepypasta is way more uninteresting then the one about the Disney animatronics and Chuck-E-Cheeses.

[Haalyle]

This creepypasta is way more uninteresting then the one about the Disney animatronics and Chuck-E-Cheeses.

Wait, this is a 'creepypasta'? I thought it was a bed time story to tell to my kids... if I had any!

[Emperor Robrainiac]

Well, I do enjoy me some gaming creepypastas, so I took a look at this and... Well, I'm sorry to say, but it's not good. So far, all you have is Sonic.exe lite, with more cliches somehow, such as introducing the story with "I used to be a huge fan, but now i'm not," and "Thinking nothing of a suspicious looking box."

I dunno, I may not be the biggest fan of Sonic.exe or its "lore," but there really is nothing here that stands out by itself. 

Edited December 4, 2015 by Emperor Robrainiac

[sonicx assasin]

By the way Tell me what I did wrong And what I did right. It's ok with me if you do.

[Haalyle]

Oh hang on wait... you're serious? Is this 'supposed' to be a creepy pasta?

[Emperor Robrainiac]

By the way Tell me what I did wrong And what I did right. It's ok with me if you do.

Well... There is a lot wrong with this story, and I'm sorry if I sound rude, but I really cannot find much that is right with it. 

Grammar wise, I've noticed there are parts of the story where you failed to captialize certain letters, and lack commas here and there. Now, I'm not gonna pick on you for that, but I'd suggest you find someone to look over the story for these technical, as they can be pretty easy to miss.

Now onto the story itself. As I've said before, Introducing the story with a "I'm a fan of 'x' but after I played this game, It ruined it for me," is not a good way to open up. For one, it's one of the most cliche ways to open up a story. Secondly, I just don't understand why a single unofficial game would ruin the experience for the rest of the series.

Then there's the acquisition of the game. I'll let eBay slide, since it's a passable way to get a game that could potentially be a ripoff. What gets to me though, is that the player notices that something's off with the package, with the cover being "Sonic.exe" written on the cover. If I understand correctly, the player is looking for "Sonic Classic Collection." If that's the case, even if the price was so low, why would anyone take the risk of buying a game that could potentially be a cheap bootleg or a knockoff? 

Next is when we get to the story itself. You pretty much just retold the entire story of Sonic.EXE, but crammed it all in to the point where it feels rushed to the point where it just feels painful. This is not a good way to introduce a story. Because this story is pretty much Sonic.exe lite, I really can't tell you if this story needs a total rewrite or change a few things.

But all I can say is this: It's really not looking good so far. 

I should also warn you, the Sonic.exe creepypasta doesn't exactly have a good reputation around here. 

[Haalyle]

Next is when we get to the story itself. You pretty much just retold the entire story of Sonic.EXE, but crammed it all in to the point where it feels rushed to the point where it just feels painful. This is not a good way to introduce a story. Because this story is pretty much Sonic.exe lite, I really can't tell you if this story needs a total rewrite or change a few things.

Basically this. I only skimmed through it because it didn't seem like anything original. If you want to make a Sonic creepypasta do not go by Sonic.exe, just don't! Try to make your own.

This is very cliche. I laughed when the narrator found something extremely bootleg about the game, but decided to buy it anyway? Man, I would never do something like that, knowing I was getting something that wouldn't be the game.

If this is on DS, why is it .exe anyway? DSs use cartridges... that doesn't really make sense. I don't think DSs run applications quite like that, especially games.

Another suggestion, don't use 'for X seconds/minutes/hours'. Unless you say you have a watch next to you and you're constantly looking at it, I wouldn't use that.

After looking through it to the end, is there supposed to be a squeal?

[sonicx assasin]

Yes thre Is a Follow up to this I am planning to write but not now, I have to know what I did wrong here to better there. If you think this a bad creepypasta Read "Charlie The Killer" to be exact It's fanfic disguised as a creepypasta.Also read Sonic.exe 2 now that's long and bad It was a S***Y PASTA on Some Ordinary Gamers.

[Nepenthe]

Yeeeaaaaah, we honestly don't do creepypastas here. There's just little discussion to be had about something that's just obviously fake. If you want to post them under the guise of fanfiction and get feedback on their quality, you're free to do that in the Showcase forum instead.

EDIT: I don't know why I thought this was in another forum. Well-p. I'll take that L. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edited December 4, 2015 by Nepenthe

[Haalyle]

Yes thre Is a Follow up to this I am planning to write but not now, I have to know what I did wrong here to better there. If you think this a bad creepypasta Read "Charlie The Killer" to be exact It's fanfic disguised as a creepypasta.Also read Sonic.exe 2 now that's long and bad It was a S***Y PASTA on Some Ordinary Gamers.

And the original Sonic.exe was shit. And Tails Abuse was shit. Look, I've read my fair share of crappy video game pastas (which is the majority) and I also listen to BAD CREEPYPASTA read things and dear lord, they are awful.

It's hard to make a 'good' creepypasta with all the cliches you have in it. It's basically just the original Sonic.exe shoved into barely a 2,000 word post and it doesn't even make nearly as much sense than the original. Yes, I've read Sonic.exe 2, I know how shit that is but you can't use that as a way to defend this so called 'creepypasta'.

Look, the best way to write fiction is to come up with something new. Something no one has seen before. Everyone's seen these barebones before and that's why I didn't think you were serious with this. I seriously thought this was a trollpasta. (Which is where both the Sonic.exe stories are and where they rightfully belong).

I don't write creepypastas because they aren't my thing, I like to write fanfiction, so I have no idea what it's like to write creepypastas. But if I were to write a creepypasta, I would try something different.

Like said above, don't use the whole 'I was a fan of X franchise until something changed that view forever' crap, because no one will believe. If I were to ever play Sonic.exe (not talking about the fan made game, which I have played and boy was laughing so damn hard, freakin' hilarious), it would not make me dislike/hate a franchise because it's a fan-made thing!

Also, the whole seeing things for a split second and being able to know down to really good detail of what was seen is just stupid. I usually miss a lot of things that happen in a split second and even if I had seen it, I probably would have focused on one thing in the image and thus not knowing it down to the very last detail.

There are just... so many things I could pick out here but my number one suggestion is to use Sonic.exe as a base to your creepypasta. Try and think of something else, or, if you still want to use Sonic.exe, a different series of events.

Like you could have just said you were playing a ROM hack that you randomly found on the internet, decided to give it a try in which ever emulator it's for and find out that whoever made the ROM hack must have been some weird person. (Lol, I'd totally use that as a base xD).

OK, one other suggestion... try to find good creepypastas. Sadly, most good creepypastas have nothing to do with video games, lost episodes, etc. Most of them are originally done. I read this one involving numbers on doors and it was really, really good. Like it really did creep me out in a way with a twist ending.

Anyway, I'm out! Like I said before, I'm not a creepypasta writer (I am a reader of those things though), but I'm basically saying don't use the usual cliches because it instantly turns the reader off from wanting to read it. Also, knowing it's something involving Sonic.exe also turns people off. That was a really shitty 'creepypasta'.

[Emperor Robrainiac]

 

Yes thre Is a Follow up to this I am planning to write but not now, I have to know what I did wrong here to better there. If you think this a bad creepypasta Read "Charlie The Killer" to be exact It's fanfic disguised as a creepypasta.Also read Sonic.exe 2 now that's long and bad It was a S***Y PASTA on Some Ordinary Gamers.

I thought i just told you, though, there's a ton of grammar mistakes, cliches and the majority of the story is a retelling of Sonic.exe. 

Also, it doesn't matter if Charlie the Killer and Sonic.exe 2 (Admittedly, I think the latter is so bad it's good, but I will agree it's a horrendous pasta.) are worse creepypastas. This one you've showed us really isn't all that great from what you've shown us so far.

And also, despite me enjoying some gaming Creepypastas, I will have to agree with Haayle that a majority of them are just terrible. However, there are quite a few gems in the dirt, Bead Dice Sky being one of them. However, it should be noted that some of the better gaming creepypastas have no supernatural elements to them. 

I dunno if you're talking about the Some Ordinary Gamers wiki, or if you're a fan of his videos... bit if you watch his haunted gaming videos, you should definitely follow some of the critiques he gives at the end the videos... He gives some pretty good advice. Granted, I think some of his reviews tend to be a little too forgiving, but he's introduced me to some pretty interesting game pastas.

That being said, I really can't give you anymore advice, because at this point, it's very unoriginal and uninteresting, and not to mention, Sonic.exe is already considered to be a pretty bad creepypasta by many.

[Haalyle]

And also, despite me enjoying some gaming Creepypastas, I will have to agree with Haayle that a majority of them are just terrible. However, there are quite a few gems in the dirt, Bead Dice Sky being one of them. However, it should be noted that some of the better gaming creepypastas have no supernatural elements to them.

Yeah, I only said the majority for that reason. Although, the good ones you usually have to find like a needle in a haystack, but they are there.

This isn't one of them however.