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Showing content with the highest reputation on 05/21/2018 in all areas

  1. 6 points
    Shoot, we're dead now:
  2. 5 points
    To be fair, TTG only has more episodes namely by virtue of- 1) each episode only being 10 minutes long. 2) being a series that is driven by longevity rather than narrative, and thus episodes are pushed out on a constant basis, rather than carefully crafted and spaced out over a long period of time. The shorter episode count doesn't really discredit the accomplishments of the original Teen Titans and probably works more to its advantage, actually.
  3. 4 points
    Avengers 4 (2019) (spoilers for Infinity War):
  4. 3 points

    PSA: 7/10 isn't bad calm down

    PSA: 7/10 isn't bad calm down
  5. 3 points

  6. 3 points
    In a way, it was really a mixed blessing that we had to wait this long for KH3. I mean, can you imagine the game looking anywhere near this beautiful on PS3...?
  7. 3 points
    Just wait till they somehow manage to get Classic Sonic to show up again in the movie!
  8. 3 points
    Jack out of the comics!

    Sonic Channel

    Thanks Twitter feed! Oh, and nice pose, Sonic!
  9. 3 points
    Average Guys (59% complete) Breakdown is finished! Now I'm gonna be stuck here for a day or so. This is the calmer bridge to the second half. I do hope I can come up with something clever. I do feel pretty inspired lately, I'm sure it'll be a snap.
  10. 3 points
    Formerly, we required people to wait 3 days before they double-post with new content. From now on, we will only require you to wait one day. Enjoy!
  11. 3 points

  12. 3 points
    Would be cool to see a Sonic game where the background in every zone is the next zone you'll be going too. Last zone in the game obviously can't do that... unless you wanna be cheeky and make the first zone appear as the BG for the final zone.
  13. 3 points
    Strong Guy

    I draw sometimes =)

    Old pic I had never finished that I completely forgot about until I was looking through some of my files tonight. I can't even remember when I did this. I think like 2 or 3 years ago. I always figured these two would get along really well =)
  14. 2 points
    I'd like to start this thread to discuss how characters can be featured in the 2-D Genesis styled games and the gameplay mechanics that could be implemented, since one of the things that I think are yet to be exploited is just how versatile the Genesis formula is, allowing to accomodate characters that can either follow the style of Sonic like Tails or Knuckles, more unique and original ones like Amy (whose entire moveset is exclusive and copies none of Sonic's moves) or even different ways of playing with the physics like Knuckles' Chaotix use of rubberband mechanics to exploit the already existing set of physics. Likewise, while simplicity is often good, there comes a point where it can become restrictive. Personally, I like to have as much control as possible over the actions of a playable character and think that sometimes there are additions that do fulfill this purpose. (For example in the Contra games, the use of the shoulder buttons to lock the aim while moving in any direction/locking the movement to aim in all 8 directions without the character moving) A few points that should be established before starting: * Characters cannot use/copy any of Sonic's signature moves (especially rolling/spindashing, though spin jumping is OK) since the idea is to create characters that offer a more fresh approach rather than something that feels the same or doesn't offer much replay incentive as well as their unique moves being something that will actually be used all the time and not just for reaching some high spot that Sonic can't reach. * Any character is fair game, including those from alternate media (cartoons, comics) if you feel that their abilities could bring something new. Likewise, you can try to come up with new ideas for the existing cast like Tails or Knuckles and how they could be more unique. * You can create controls schemes with either one or two buttons, with this last being the maximum allowed number of buttons. * Please try to create abilities that serve a purpose. One of the things that I felt was a trouble in the first Advance was the way the secondary button was used on characters like Sonic as a mere placeholder. Just like not every character needs to use two buttons, there are also characters that would benefit from having a secondary one in order to fully display their abilities. * List the characters' abilities, followed by the command input and a description of how said moves would work. * Additional ways of interacting with existing gimmicks are welcomed. (For example, Amy hitting springs to launch herself much higher than the other characters) * Try to not go overboard with the number of moves for each character. The maximum should be somewhere between 6 - 8. For starters, this is what I'd do with Amy, who I think was the last character in the 2-D games to actually try something new: Hammer attack: B button (can also be performed in midair more than once, unlike Advance 1. The range is superior to Sonic's insta-shield but is slightly slower and can't deflect projectiles. If springs are hit, she'll be launche pretty fast and high) Jump: A button (Amy's standard jump has her jump uncurled, but is slightly higher that Sonic's) Hammer Jump: Down + B (Amy hits the ground to launch herself high and fast into the air but during this move she can't perform any type of attacks. Can also be used on loops/slopes like regular jumps to build momentum, but with an extra boost of speed) Hammer whirl: Down + B in midair (Amy will cancel all forward momentum and will drop vertically, continuously boincing on the target(s) and gaining extra height with each bounce, which prevents her from trivializing boss fights while on a side bonus, featuring another way to find alternate paths with a little bit more skill involved. Can also be used for platforming sections where precision is a must) Amy-dash: Up + A (functionality is very similar to the Super peel-out, but less fast) Giant steps: Down + A (Amy performs a quick jump that covers plenty of horizontal distance, but has very little height. Ideal for quickly jumping between platforms or to climb very steep slopes that the other characters can't using a spindash) Hammer-copter: A while in midair (Similar to a move from Heroes. Amy spins using her hammer, gaining a little bit of extra impulse forward. Think of it as a mid-air jump that mainly covers horizontal distance) Insta-duck: down while on the ground (Amy will crounch almost instantly, even when she is running top speed. This can be helpful on those carnival stages where you have springs facing each other that can cause the placer to bounce back and forward constantly) Now, for an existing one, I'll give my take on Espio. Double jump: A button while in mid-air. Kunai slash: B button (Espio uses his kunai to attack enemies. His range is not as goid as Amy but his attacks are performed much faster) Ninja dash: tap forward twice. (Espio performs a run similar to that of the more dignified ninjas like Strider Hiryu. Sorry, Naruto fans. He still gains speed when running down on slopes but unlike other characters like Amy, he can still use his Kunai to attack while running) Shuriken ring: Up + B button. (Espio throws a ring towards the enemy. Note: this move can be performed ONLY if Espio has any rings available, substracting one per attack, so use wisely, especially if you have only one left) Ninja slide kick: Down + A (Espio performs a slide attack that is very fast, but does not cover much distance. It alternatively can be use to slide into very tight spaces that not even rolling characters can get into, as well as an evasive maneuver to avoid attacks) Wall cling: jump towards any wall (Espio will cling to a wall as soon as the character makes contact with it) Ninja Catapult: while clinging to a wall, press the opposite direction + A button (Espio will launch horizontally at high speed, covering 1/2 screen of distance and gaining a bit of height. Ideal for parts that not even Knuckles can climb) Ninja magic: A + B buttons simultaneously. (Espio rapidly performs the kuji-kiri, causing all on-screen enemies to be destroyed. This move will substract 100 rings and on boss fights, it instantly substracts them 3 HP of damage)
  15. 2 points
    RTC had an update, some results from messing about with it: Sonic 1 on the Atari 2600... And Seizure Brain Zone. Yes, that was flashing like a rave, absolute murder on the eyes. Then I took the corruption even further beyond and got something truly amazing, so I recorded it. My poor computer did not like that one bit, and I'll have to wait a while before I can upload it due to my internet. Besides the dropping frames, it was spectacular. Just to give you an idea, collecting rings sounded like a girl's screaming. No, really.
  16. 2 points
    Infinity War was terrible. Because the Thanos-copter didn't show up even once.
  17. 2 points
    Indigo Rush

    Hey y'all how's it been.

    Hey y'all how's it been.
  18. 2 points
    This wounds me because it's so accurate
  19. 2 points

  20. 2 points
    I don't think that was the problem in itself but more it didn't really go anywhere. Having Cream be actually treated as a six year old gave her a more unique dynamic, it's just that after a while no development came out of it, she just came in handy odd times at random and was otherwise sidelined, rather than having points she proved she was capable and the Freedom Fighters' attitudes changed. Sonic X suffered the same problem, she was the tagalong kid who often stayed behind but often that felt more like just an excuse to keep her out of focus. During the Meterax arc they just quickly hand waved it with her mother bizarrely letting her go alone, and the one time anyone voiced concern about this they were portrayed in the wrong and very sharply told by Cream and the others to keep their big nose out of it. And yet Cream still barely did anything useful or had a different dynamic from it. The 'just a kid' excuse doesn't seem as much a developed role for her as much as just a fickle reasoning for when they don't have room to use her.
  21. 2 points

  22. 2 points


  23. 2 points
    I actually wouldn't mind more birds. I know the Babylon Rogues weren't everyone's favorite characters, but birds are my favorite animal group and I would love to see more -- especially an owl!
  24. 2 points
    3 cases in Spirit of Justice. Man this game has a good soundtrack
  25. 2 points
    A hell of a lot? Endgame? Dark Mobius? Issue 175? Return to Angel Island? Parts of the Iron Dominion arc? Etc. I can look up the issues and pull up even more than that for Archie alone.
  26. 2 points
    Can’t remember all that happened post-reboot off the top of my head, but I do remember her charging at Cassia with fury over her cybernetics and how she never asked for them despite their benefits, for what that was worth. Yeah, that was House of Cards. It’s unanimously agreed that Sonic was at his most assholish there, but while he could be abrasive he was hardly like that throughout most of the comics and was friendly majority of the time. The Sonic you described seemed closer to Fleetway Sonic in having a mean attitude.
  27. 2 points
    Jack / Joker

  28. 2 points
    ...That's not funny...that's actually kind of sad.
  29. 2 points
    I remember when a lot of us were upset that Forces wouldn't show us a lot of stuff. Turns out that wasn't the case. There just wasn't a lot to show.
  30. 2 points
    I feel like this has gotten a little too far off-topic regarding Reignited Trilogy. Can we re-rail this topic away from unsubstantiated rumors and Playstation All-Stars talk? And secondly, let's not post unsubstantiated rumors here or in the Smash thread regarding Crash's or Spyro's inclusion.
  31. 1 point
    EDIT - If you want me to make a Firefox theme for you, please read the guidelines/info post: I decided to do this because I wanted to. I deeply appreciate any feedback, comments, criticism, likes, etc.! My most recent (done entirely yesterday & today): Archie Sonic fans will get it (The character in an Omega recolor costume is Buns, a version of Bunnie Rabbot from an alternate dimension.) Here are some other artworks that look OK to me. The resolution is tiny I know, bigger versions on my Tumblr. (also my avatar, but I might change it sometime, so, here it is ) This was supposed to be a combination of Classic Sonic and Boom Sonic, but it mostly just looks like Boom Sonic. eh Expect more art when I make more art and/or feel like posting more old art
  32. 1 point
    June 11th will mark the 5th anniversary of KH3’s announcement. Daaaamn
  33. 1 point
    Hey guys the long awaited, rumored Spyro and Sparx Funko Pop figures have officially been announced.
  34. 1 point
    Sup SSMB? Just letting you know I ain’t dead :U. Work at Kroger is exhausting, and it limits my time here even further.
  35. 1 point
    Hot damn! I love your monster OC's they look really cool! Also there is no shame in using coloured pencils, you can do some awesome blending work with them and can create some nice effects too!
  36. 1 point

    Net Neutrality . Help save it!

    I guarantee YouTube and Facebook will embrace it regardless as they know they can and not get impacted much overall. Both FB and google have been pretty hush hush on the issue after all.
  37. 1 point

    Archie Sonic Main Discussion

    So some more thoughts on the Archie comic: #51-#77: This is the era where Robotnik is dead, the Freedom Fighers are lead by their king again, the rebuilding of Mobotropolis, and essentially an era about retaking the world. I like it in concept, but I'm not so sure it works out fully. I think part of the issue is that Robotnik leaves a big villian gap, and some of the villians they try and fill him in with like Naugus, Kodos, or even Snively at one point just can't quite match up to. There's also the introduction of Monkey Khan, a sort of rogueish hero type who honestly comes across as just Sonic 2.0 but way more annoying. Some plot threads are introduced but don't ever feel like they ever do much with them, like Sally's brother Elias who really just seems to spend 90% of the time going on about not wanting to be king, then eventually runs away and marries a peasant woman. There's also St John forming a unit of C-list characters which I really couldn't care less. I like that for a portion of the comic, I think something like #58-#67, Sonic and Tails go off on some solo adventures together which has some fun moments. I still think the comic is good, even if it does feel a little bit aimless until they reintroduce a new Robotnik in #75 and basically reset back to the status quo somewhat by #77. Nate Morgan is a nice addition, but I guess is dead now, and might not even come back? I really like the Memento style issue #71, where time and the comic itself runs in reverse, and they use it as an excuse to give Sonic his Adventure design. So yeah, still some good stuff here, and it is neat how it has crossovers with the Knuckles comic which was running at the time. Knuckles the Echidna #1-#32: You know, considering how infamous Ken Penders is nowadays, and knowing that this comic was kindof his pet project, I couldn't help but walk into it half expecting it to be a trainwreck from issue #1. But honestly, I think this comic is pretty good... at least from about #1-#21. I actually think the comic works pretty well in conjunction with the Sonic comic. The Sonic comic tends to prioritise 1 issue plots, Knuckles comic goes for 3 issue plots. Sonic takes place on Mobius, Knuckles is set on Angel, I mean, The Floating Island. Even in terms of tone, I feel like the Knuckles comic tries to perhaps be for slightly older kids than the Sonic comic, and I can appreciate that. I do think even in issues #1-#21 there are problems though, mainly in terms of the number of characters we follow in the comic seems to grow at an exponential rate. I mean, in the Sonic comic, you could argue that maybe a more appropriate name for that comic could be "Sonic and the Freedom Fighters", but it is still about Sonic through and through, and there aren't a huge amount of other characters, with new characters like St John, Mina, Nate etc introduced in a steady organic pace. In the Knuckles comic, it feels like every new story arc introduces new characters we are meant to inexplicably care about, like Constable Remington, Harry the cab driver and Knuckles' mom Lara-Le, who really does nothing except be Knuckles' mom but gets aton of focus on her anyway. It doesn't help further that despite the Chaotix being in alot of the comic, they are so useless most of the time. Even in issues #13-#15 where it was advertised as being about the Chaotix while Knuckles is off stranded on Mobius, the Chaotix all get poisoned by their own stupidity, and so the comic winds up about being Julie-Su and Remington teaming up to save the day. There's also Archimedes who exists to help Knuckles in his duties, and then there is also his dad and his buddies who also exist to help Knuckles as well in secret, meaning it feels a little ridiculous how much backup Knuckles needs. They try and explain alot of why they do the trick of pretending Knuckles' dad is dead in #25, but it honestly just comes across a little bit silly to me. Still, I do enjoy elements of the comic. I think the Dark Legion are good bad guys, especially with Robotnik absent at the time of the comic. I like how the comic has a bit of a serious tone, even if it times it is a little funny because of it being so serious. I think Knuckles is a good main character, and feels well defined, especially compared to the current game Knuckles when it feels like noone has any idea what to do with him. Some stories can feel a little repetitious in nature, especially when it seems like the conflict seems to always come about by something one of Knuckles' ancestors did in the past, and so it means we have to always have several pages of flashbacks to explain everything. I genuinely think something like 10% of the entire comic is dedicated to flashbacks. I do think it starts to go downhill in the story of #22-#24. Some kind of plot about the Dark Legion taking over Echidnopolis via a rigged election, with Nazi metaphors, and even an issue starting with an FDR quote which is attributed to a comic character instead is when the comic's seriousness becomes cringeworthy. #25 is good with Locke reuniting with Knuckles, but then we get #26-#28 which is pretty infamous, with it being a "romantic comedy", with it neither being funny or interesting. Can't say I terribly give a shit about Knuckles hooking up with Julie-Su, and I think it was a bit mistake to dedicate a 3 part A story to it. And after that snoozefest, #29 is about Knuckles and Sally angsting each other for an entire issue with no action. It wouldn't surprise me if these 4 issues is what put off alot of issues leading to the comic's cancellation. I don't think #30-#32 is terribly great either, Hunter being a dull Francisco Scaramanga knock off isn't great. I love the fact that in a flashback, a purple ape bullies Knuckles, and rather than try and let Knuckles overcome the bully himself, Locke and his mates kidnap the ape and throw him off the island. Also the "tragic" ending when the purple ape dies isn't terribly emotional. Although if we are talking about character deaths, I find it unintentionally hilarious how Charmy's friends dies from taking drugs. Absolutely wonderful and I love the fact that once upon a time Sega allowed that sort of shit to happen.
  38. 1 point
    Going for the 180 emblems on SA2 , appreciating how good this game really is.
  39. 1 point
    I'd have to play it again to see since I never really got those vibes from Adventure, but I wouldn't mind at all since it is one of my favorite games and I always enjoy finding references to the Japanese lore of the Genesis Games as I play (such as the legendary dragon egg and then Chaos eventually appearing draconic after breaking out of the Master Emerald). I also agree that just focusing on Sonic running fast and being snarky strips the games of almost anything enjoyable. Slowing down the narrative again to say Unleashed levels of pacing I think would help as well as showing Sonic being someone who globetrots. Show his amazement when he discovers something his adventuring has brought him and then balance that with his inevitable encounter with Eggman and the conflict that follows.
  40. 1 point
    Because it releases later than the Mania DLC. Same thing happened last year to Forces.
  41. 1 point

    Archie Sonic Main Discussion

    I talked about this in the IDW thread, but I suppose it's more fitting to talk about it in the actual Archie thread. With me buying the IDW comics, I've started reading up on the Archie run. I must admit, it's been the kind of thing I've been meaning to do for years but it always seemed so intimidating with it having over 200 issues in the main series alone. It seems more approachable now that it has sadly ended. The Archie continuity was one of those things you seem to keep hearing snippits about, like there being a story set 30 years in the future where Shadow was the king or something. Cybershell did a great video as he talked about his memories of the comic when it was clear it had been cancelled and some of the stuff in there he brings up was pretty interesting. So I have some basic thoughts about the comic so far. I'm currently on issue #138, getting towards the end of Penders run. (I must admit, I don't entirely understand his role on the comic in being the head writer? In the stories, he seems to be credited alot for writing the Knuckles comics and alot of the B stories in the Sonic comic, but alot of the Sonic comics seem to be written by Karl Bollers or other writers. So is Penders like his boss who dictates what the other writers write?) So here are some basic thoughts on the comic so far: #1-25(ish): kindof interesting how it has the cast of Satam, but has the tone and comedy of AOSTH. I actually think these issues hold up really well, both in artwork and in writing. I must admit, even when I was younger, I never much cared for AOSTH. It was always a bit too hyperactive for me, at least from memory. I really enjoy the humour here, how the characters are written even if Antoine is basically a giant stereotype. Really just a good, fun comic that would start setting up things in a very goofy way that would turn up later in a far more serious manner like the alternate dimensions via the interstellar highway. #26(ish)-50: so the comic gets more and more like Satam, and presumably a little bit darker than that show went. (Again, ages since I've seen any of the old Sonic shows.) For the most part, I really like this era. Having reached #138 so far, I actually think the artwork is still the best in the comic so far around this time. I think the comic hits a good combo of seriousness and having comedy and adventure in it. I like how it slowly builds towards the End Game 4 parter, and how it just slowly builds up steam from around #30 to it a big conclusion in #50. I really like End Game, even if it is perhaps a little silly in how overly serious it is, and it kinda sucks that Sally is in a coma for it considering how it really feels like she is the co-protagonist with Sonic of the comic. Still, I think it is pretty good stuff and I like the ending and having the guts to kill off Robotnik. Sally/Tails/Knuckles/Quest Miniseries: I find these little miniseries they ran around this time pretty interesting. I guess they were trying to guage about who they could perhaps give a 2nd comic to, which ofcourse Knuckles would get down the road. I think the Princess Sally miniseries is a bit of a missed opportunity. It just has her boss around some rookies and the real plot is about Geoffrey St John. I really don't like St John in the comic atall, he just constantly acts like a smarmy prick and seems to exist half the time just so him and Sonic can fight each other over stuff. Hell, I'd argue that the miniseries is more about St John than Sally since it is his plan that is put into motion in the end, and Sally is replaced by a duplicate for half the miniseries, meaning it feels like it is more about him being awesome than it is about us learning anything new with Sally. I like the Tails miniseries alot more. I like how adventurous it is, with Tails winding up in the Mobius equivelant of Australia, Downunda. The Downunda Freedom Fighters are pretty cool and fun, less so about the Forty Fathoms Freedom Fighters. I like the fact that the Downunda FFs seem to pop up occasionally in the comic, they're a fun lot, with the hippie bird and the koala who seems to be madly in love with Tails. The Knuckles miniseries is rather interesting. In many regards, it is basically the first part of the whole larger Knuckles story in the comic, which continues with the 2nd miniseries which got extended into the 32 issue comic. I think the fireart Artemetis and the Chaotix work kindof well, and I think it shows how Knuckles works as his own protagonist without justing being Sonic 2.0. I think it is pretty solid in how it sets up a far more story heavy, slightly more mature vibe that the Knuckles comic has. Sonic Quest is a nice adventure. It makes for a bit of a fun outing, especially when at this point in the comic they havn't done many multi-part stories, so it serves as sort of feature length adventure for Sonic, and has nice nods to Sonic 2 and 3 & Knuckles. I'll post more of my own thoughts later, don't want to have my web browser crash and lose these paragraphs. I am enjoying the comic for the most part, although I must admit at the part I'm at it does feel like it is in a bit of a slump, at least for me.
  42. 1 point
    Exactly. This was why I’d been kind of doubting a Toy Story world ever being a thing in the series because of how grounded in reality it is, and I was disbelieving of it being able to work. I was wrong btw.
  43. 1 point

    Archie Sonic Main Discussion

    Unless you go by Penders usually "inside knowledge", then it's an open and shut case for Scott. An open and shut case that apparently takes a very long time and has no public records of any updates within the past year... Pretty much this. Ken has proven himself to be just as manipulative as those he says are out to hurt him and his creativity. Ken loves to play the victim and starts every argument saying that "Archie can use my characters anytime so as long as they pay me". While that is a reasonable thing to ask and I agree Archie should have paid royalties to him and other creators, the major problem is there are various terms and conditions within that short statement that people seem to not realize and that are incredibly unreasonable. He wanted editorial rights over what was done with his characters, overruling even Archie/Sega. You can't do that with a licensed comic; any comic really that you didn't produce yourself. He has even stated these conditions back when the lawsuit had just wrapped up. He laid out a laundry list of rules that were laughable. However, the major problem is that a lot of his fanbase chooses to ignore that he has ever said these things when he has gone on record about it.
  44. 1 point

    Splatoon 2 (Summer 2017)

    Best turtle wins this time, Mikey. Hope Donnie can carry through for the title of best turtle!
  45. 1 point
  46. 1 point
    Fudge up the gameplay, fudge up the story/continuity! At least Sonic Team are consistent!
  47. 1 point
    Strong Guy

    I draw sometimes =)

    I need a hero ?✨
  48. 1 point
    "What? You thought I was gone forever?" First line said by Beck in the Very Final Gameplay Trailer for Mighty No. 9, which was uploaded in 2020.
  49. 1 point
    Strong Guy

    I draw sometimes =)

    Wanted to relax today by drawing a spiky boy
  50. 1 point
    I really let this drop, didn't I? =P Well, here we go anyway! (A little experiment; since Rouge has her wings separate from her arms, why couldn't birds be the same way? =P) More to come, presumably.

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    • Emperor Robrainiac

      Anyone ever want to speak with a close friend from a long time ago, but are too afraid because not much has changed last time you talked to them and are afraid of coming across as a loser to them?
      Because that's me right now.
      · 0 replies
    • Speederino

      Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop
      You know the place
      Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

      Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
      My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

      Awww - Big bowl of sauerkraut
      Every single mornin'
      It was driving me crazy

      I said to my mom
      I said "Hey, mom, what's with all the sauerkraut?"
      And my dear, sweet mother
      She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train
      And she leaned right down next to me
      And she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU"
      And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
      And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old

      That's when I swore that someday
      Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
      Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
      And the towels are oh so fluffy
      Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
      And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel

      Wacka wacka doodoo yeah

      Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true
      Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
      To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt
      I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
      That's right, a first class one-way ticket to


      Oh yeah
      You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before
      And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
      Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor
      And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time
      The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
      And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
      And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
      And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
      And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
      Except for me
      You know why?

      'Cause I had my tray table up
      And my seat back in the full upright position
      Had my tray table up
      And my seat back in the full upright position
      Had my tray table up
      And my seat back in the full upright position

      Ah ha ha ha
      Ah ha ha

      So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
      I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
      Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
      And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
      And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
      But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
      Where the towels are oh so fluffy
      And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
      It's OK, they're clean

      Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
      And I turned on the SpectraVision
      And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
      That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door

      Well now, who could that be?
      I say "Who is it?"
      No answer
      "Who is it?"
      There's no answer
      "WHO IS IT?"
      They're not sayin' anything

      So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
      It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
      Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
      So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
      And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
      "That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
      And he's like "Tough"
      And I'm like "Give it"
      And he's like "Make me"
      And I'm like "'Kay"
      So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
      And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
      And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
      Yes indeed, you better believe it
      And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
      And twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voice
      And you know what it said?
      I'll tell you what it said

      It said
      "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
      "If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
      "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
      "If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"

      In Albuquerque

      Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
      But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
      I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
      But first, I decided to buy some donuts

      So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
      And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
      And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
      I said "You got any glazed donuts?"
      He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
      I said "You got any jelly donuts?"
      He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
      I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
      He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
      I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
      He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
      I said "You got any apple fritters?"
      He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"
      I said "You got any bear claws?"
      He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"
      "No, we're outta bear claws"
      I said "Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?"
      He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
      I said "OK, I'll take that"

      So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
      And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over
      (rabid gnawing sounds)
      Oh man, they were just going nuts
      They were tearin' me apart
      You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head
      I believe it went a little something like this . . .

      Get 'em off me
      Get 'em off me
      No, get 'em off, get 'em off
      Oh, oh God, oh God
      Oh, get 'em off me
      Oh, oh God
      Ah, (more screaming)

      I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
      Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
      Like a constipated weiner dog
      And as luck would have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
      Her name was Zelda
      She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
      I'll never forget the first thing she said to me.
      She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"

      That's when I knew it was true love
      We were inseperable after that
      Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
      We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
      The world was our burrito
      So we got married and we bought us a house
      And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly
      Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

      But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
      She said "Sweetie pumpkin, do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"
      I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"
      "I'm just not ready for that kinda commitment"
      So we broke up and I never saw her again
      But that's just the way things go

      In Albuquerque

      Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me
      Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
      That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
      I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face
      Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
      I was gettin' a lot of attitude

      OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
      Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
      When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself
      So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
      And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
      "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"

      So I did

      And then he gets all indignant on me
      He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
      Well, that's just great
      How was I supposed to know that?
      I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
      Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy
      So what's he complaining about?

      Say, that reminds me of another amusing antic joke
      This guy comes up to me on the street and he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days
      Well, I knew what he meant
      But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
      And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
      And I'm like "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?"
      But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
      (screaming sounds)
      You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation
      Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?

      Anyway, um, um, where was I?
      Kinda lost my train of thought

      Uh, well, uh, OK
      Anyway I, I know it's kinda a roundabout way of saying it
      But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is


      That's all I'm really tryin' to say
      And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
      And find yourself in an existential quandry
      Full of loathing and self-doubt
      And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
      At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
      Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours
      There's still a little place called

      Albuquerque, Albuquerque
      Albuquerque, Albuquerque
      Albuquerque, Albuquerque
      Albuquerque, Albuquerque

      I said "A" (A)
      "L" (L)
      "B" (B)
      "U" (U)
      "querque" (querque)

      Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
      Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
      Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
      Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

      · 1 reply
    • BlueSpeedster

      Tik Tok will no longer be banned! (To the dismay of Twitter, haters and Reddit.)
      · 1 reply
    • Zaysho

      Man, these updates aren't even a month apart...
      · 1 reply
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