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About Maxtiis

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  • Birthday 03/12/1996

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  • Interests
    Video games (obviously), animation, and all things film.
  • Gender
  • Country
    United States
  • Location
    Lurking somewhere in Studiopolis

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  1. I'm incredibly frustrated with the fact that I'll never be skilled at anything. It just seems no matter how much time I invest into anything, whether it be learning an instrument, how to draw, or currently how to play a fighting game, I never improve.

    It's definitely the biggest reason I hate myself. I'm such a failure.

    1. Forte-Metallix


      The only way to ensure you'll never improve is to keep telling yourself that. Everyone who was ever great in any field started off as a beginner.

      Practice will bring improvements sooner or later, but even of none of those things work out, there's millions of other fields you haven't tried yet.

      Failure isn't falling down- it's choosing to stay down.

    2. Maxtiis


      Well that's another reason I hate myself: I'm a pathetic quitter.

    3. SupahBerry


      Have you've ever seen or think about seeing a doctor to talk about you lack of confidence???

    4. Maxtiis


      Actually yes.

    5. Monkey Destruction Switch

      Monkey Destruction Switch

      Lately I have been feeling a lot of self-hatred feelings myself, though the reasons I hate myself are different. The biggest reasons are my poor social and emotional skills and the fact that I am lacking in any sort of ambition or drive.

      I don't have any great suggestions or anything like that, but I notice in my life, since I've realized I am so far behind in these departments that I mentioned, I have to keep my goals small and be happy if I achieve even a small victory, and try not to focus on the fact that I wish I could achieve much more faster. If I do the latter, then I won't accomplish anything at all except thinking about how pathetic I am. I need to focus instead on the little I can do and the small strides I can make. Because at least then, I'll accomplish a little and gradually get better. Not that I'm very good at doing this, obviously. Because if I was, I wouldn't hate myself so much.

      It's possible that may be applicable in your situation. I dunno though. It also might be that your talents lie in things you haven't tried yet.

      When you said "yes" to SupahBerry's suggestion, I don't know if you mean that you've thought about seeing a doctor or if you've seen a doctor. Either way though, that might be something to try. The last time I talked to a therapist was years ago. She was helpful, but she kept cancelling on me. It was frustrating so eventually I gave up.

    6. Maxtiis


      I have spoken to a doctor. It amounted to "I don't know what to tell you," and a $930 check.

      I also have poor social skills, and I often feel people legitimately despise me. Often I'm ignored and treated like an idiot, so most of the time I keep my mouth shut to avoid revealing to everyone that I really am a dumbass. All this is on top of being ugly as sin, so I don't even like being a public presence.

      The small steps thing has never worked for me. I just can't avoid the reality that anything I do is meaningless.

    7. Kiah


      It’s not a fact that you will never be skilled at anything. Quite frankly you are lying to yourself with this one especially at your young age. We all find our strengths and develop skills at different stages in our lives and maybe you haven’t found yours yet and you need to continue to do so. Sometimes it takes time as hardly anyone gets it right off the bat as it usually takes time and effort to get a skill down. Exhaust all your resources available to you and seek further ones out as opposed to throwing in the towel as you aren’t destined for failure.

      I’m not trying to undermine how you feel but do you have anything positive to say about yourself? Seriously think about this. Negativity is an enormous hinderence to productivity among other things and it’s a real shame your visits to the doctor were futile although I’m not surprised seeing they didn’t help me either.

      I know it’s a real struggle as I went through (and still have my moments as it’s a never-ending battle) but you have to try to think more positively with yourself for starters. Take little steps if need be but just try really hard to not put yourself down so much. It’s something that others tend to see and that in turn has people seeing you in a negative light and keeping their distance as a result.

    8. Monkey Destruction Switch

      Monkey Destruction Switch

      To be honest, it's kind of frustrating that not only are you doubling down on the negativity, you don't even bother to say "thank you" to those who try to help you. Four people have replied to try to help you out and you haven't thanked any of them. You haven't even left a like, which I don't care about for the sake of "getting more likes", but because it can be seen as a way of giving thanks. It doesn't matter if you don't find the advice helpful - people you haven't even met have taken time out of their day to try and help you, and the fact that you don't express any gratefulness for this is frustrating. It's really quite discouraging and makes a person wonder what the point is of trying to help you if you're going to react like this.

      I don't say these things to make you feel worse, but if your negativity is getting to the point where it is not only negatively affecting yourself but also negatively affecting your interactions with other people, it's all the more reason to realize you have to start pointing yourself in a better direction. Your negativity is probably compounding every problem you described in your life, from your lack of improvement in learning skills to other people not seeming to like you. Heck, even your looks, as your attitude makes a HUGE difference in how you're perceived.

      I know, being a negative person myself, I feel uncomfortable trying to focus on the positive aspects of myself. So if you similarly can't bring yourself to do that, at least stop thinking about yourself in general and try thinking about something positive in general, such as positive things about your life. Or if you can't bring yourself to do that, at the very least try to moderate your negativity.

      And if you want to improve yourself and your life, here is one small and simple step you are 100% absolutely capable of doing. Just say "thanks" to those who are trying to be nice to you and to help you. It's simply the decent thing to do. And anyone can do the right thing, even if they lack skills, good looks, aren't popular, or whatever. In the past, you've always seemed like a swell person to me, so I'm especially confident you can do what is right, honorable, kind, and respectful. And I urge you to do so, since doing the right thing is one positive thing (in fact, it matters more than almost anything else, really) that you definitely can do, regardless of all these things you dislike about yourself.

    9. Maxtiis


      @Monkey Destruction SwitchI actually was going to say thank you to those that had posted comments in a reply to Kiah when I thought of something to say. I don't know if it rings hollow after a post such as that, seriously thanks @Forte-Metallix @SupahBerry @Kiah and @Monkey Destruction Switch for taking even the smallest amount of time to reply.

      I'm genuinely sorry if I appear to be a selfish, inconsiderate, asshole. Sometimes I just don't immediately know what to say.

    10. Kiah


      I wouldn’t go that far saying your actions equating to you being...that. It’s just that the lack of acknowledgement make you look like an ingrate and that in turn is what frustrates people. However, I know you aren’t that because I’ve seen you express appreciation numerous times in the past. If you didn’t I would of ignored you a long time ago as I have no time or tolerance for ingrates when I’m doing something that comes from the bottom of my heart. That’s what most of us here are doing in these situations and all we want in return is some kind of acknowledgement and appreciation for our efforts to help you out.

      It’s okay if you don’t have anything to say. You don’t even have to necessarily reply with “thank you” as the likes/reactions are an alternative of that and are seen as a way of expressing appreciation. Doing nothing or bucking back against our efforts to help you even is the worst thing you can do in these situations honestly. That’s not to say you can’t disagree with what we say as you are free to do so.

      So really it’s no worries. Just keep that in mind, okay? And you’re welcome 😉 

    11. Maxtiis


      Often I've never chosen to use likes, mostly because I think a written comment literally speaks more volumes. Maybe I should attempt both more often.

      And honestly I think I can explain that I acted the way I did was due to forgetting to take my anti-depressant. Needless to say not taking really puts a damper on my mood, something I really wish wasn't the case.

    12. Kiah


      While I agree that a written comment speaks more volumes but when it comes to social media, forums and the like likes/reactions tend to pack a more powerful punch to express your agreement and appreciation. I actually usually do both I guess to emphasize my appreciation knowing that people like receiving both in return.

      I wish it wasn’t the case either but it’s good to know what the root of the problem was and you know how to rectify it. I’ve interacted with you enough to see this wasn’t normal with you. 

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