Teoskaven

AMUNGUS CHUNGUS

So, you know the Scutigera, a.k.a. the house centipede? If you've ever seen or heard of them you know you've been told they're useful in ridding the house of parasytes and do not attack humans so you should let them live.
Well, one of these fuckers dropped on me this morning out of nowhere and bit me on the ankle. Nothing too harmful thankfully, but i'm not gonna trust anymore those claims.

E3 conferences from worst to best
Koch Primetime Gaming Show (Deep Silver) - no exciting announcements, literally just boring interviews with random devs.
Bandai-Namco: One game focused on for ten minutes. What was even the point?
Capcom - Announcement of an announcement for RE8 DLC, Monster Hunter Heroes 2 and Ace Attorney news that could've just been thrown into the Switch direct, and then ending it off on garbage ESports. No thanks.
Gearbox - Literally just a behind the scenes for the Borderlands movie, what was the point of a conference?
Warner Bros - Overly long demo of one game that we already have seen tons of times already, including at least three times in other conferences.
Summer Games Fest - Basically fuck all of interest beyond Elden Ring. Geoff's show format continues to be one of the worst parts of these conferences each and every single time.
Future Games Show - Not many interesting updates or reveals, Colours Ultimate looked less than graceful.
IGN Expo - No interesting annouuncements.
Ubisoft Forward - Nothing of interest beyond DLC and shit we already knew. Mario + Rabbids 2 was alright enough
Square-Enix Presents - I'm one of the few people who really enjoyed it. Guardians looks great, Black Panther expansion is neat, although I wish Avengers got proper updates, Stranger of Paradise was neat enough too. Not particularly great, but better compared to basically everything else.
Xbox and Bethesda - Serviceable enough. Decent format with rapid fire titles. I feel like it probably would've been less exciting if Game-Pass wasn't hard-carrying it. I liked it because I kept hearing "coming to Game Pass" over and over again, meaning I'd have a ton of things to try out on my Series S. If it was all just announcements with no Game Pass, I'd probably be singing a different tune. Still, it's good enough. Psychonauts 2 was the highlight probably, but Forza Horizon did make me interested in trying it out, as did the Jack Sparrow expansion for Sea of Thieves.
Nintendo - Heroes of the entire event. Legitimately the only company I can say was not only good, but actually great. I am absolutely flabbergasted by how well they knocked it out of the park after the disastrous Direct from earlier this year. Plenty of varied games, long-awaited series finally getting comebacks (Warioware, Metroid, Advance Wars), neat ports (Danganronpa), A remake people wanted for a long while (Mario Party) long-awaited third-party games (Monkey Ball), rapid fire news, news on BOTW2 including a release year, finally. Even Kazuya for Smash was neat enough, since Bandai doesn't have many reps and it's a underrepped series in Smash. All I could've asked for was a new DK game, and a new Mario.
All in all, this E3 fucking blew, frankly, and I say that as someone who's hosted Motobug's E3 streams for several years running now. If Nintendo wasn't as insanely good as it was, it would've been a complete and total waste of time. There were many conferences that basically had no fucking point to exist, with only one game being shown, or pathetic non-updates for other games. It feels like it was just a Direct and MS' conference that was prepped properly, and everyone else was half-heartedly going along with it just because. There were also massive absentees too. GTA V PS5/Series X, Gotham Knights, Hogwarts Mystery, Suicide Squad, or any of Take Two's franchises in general. It was just a waste of time, and honestly - I don't think any E3 before now has felt so utterly vapid and pointless. Most of it was total fluff. 

Just realized, that the Nintendo Direct literally started and ended with Ganondorf's dead body.

Genshin Impact fans calling BOTW2 a rip-off
I swear, that game does something wrong to people's brains.
 

You know, at this point we might as well get a modern port of The Town With No Name.

I just love the influx of memes tied to the reveal of Stranger of Paradise we're getting.

Local Angsty Teen Has Reached His Limit, Proceeds to Bully Knight - "I Fuckin' Hate Chaos, Man"

How would you feel if Crash and Dante were the final 2 Smash fighters?

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No Rayman at Ubisoft’s E3? There’s always next year right?
 
...right?

I watched the Gearbox "showcase".
 
Randy Pitchford needs to be put in a locker, that show was baaaaaad

WHat are you DOINg in mY SWAMP

Mario + Rabbids sequel is interesting, how surprising that Ubi Soft could do cool looking cartoon environments in 3D. You know, they should make a platformer series where they could do that kind of stuff more often. Too bad none exists, they have never come up with a character like that, nor would a character like that have a legacy to build off of. If only Ubi Soft ever had a platformer character they could do things like this more with. If only

How did they not put in a dance number for the Just Dance segment
 
 
You had one job Ubersoft

*sigh* no new splinter cell

One day I'll do all the riddles in Arkham Knight and 100% the main game. 
But in the meantime, fuck you Riddler.

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I was today years old when I realized Lord Farquaad is a euphemism for fuckwad.
This movie has been out for twenty years and I only JUST got that

Bakugo every time he sees midoriya:

Overall this was a warm start for E3. Lots of stuff to ignore and one or two stinkers, but the good stuff was enough to make it worth.
 
Still, Geoff, stop shilling things, you're making things more depressing than they are.

Overall this was a warm start for E3. Lots of stuff to ignore and one or two stinkers, but the good stuff was enough to make it worth.
 
Still, Geoff, stop shilling things, you're making things more depressing than they are.

And as if on fucking cue, Flynn throws this into the next comic lol.
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Reaction: the 90s Mario movie is better than the Illumination one.

If I illegally download a game in the Bahamas, does that make me a Pirate of the Caribbean?

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Cursed ice cream