An official apology for being a total and clueless bastard

[Velotix von Skruviktorrius]

...Well where the hell do I start with this? I've had to give myself time to calm down before typing this, and it's very likely that I'll ramble anyway, so I apologise in advance.

Since I've been back (Feb '10), the SSMB has become my primary internet hangout to trump all others. Up until today, I believed that the staff had no issues with my conduct and had no evidence to the contrary, and despite recent nasty stressors that we're all well aware of the staff dealing with by now, on my end at least everything was fine.

Today a PM enters my inbox warning me that not only have I made members of staff genuinely upset and distressed, I've also damaged their self-esteem; made them feel like shit, and made them feel as though they are incompetent. Worse, that this damage has been so severe that they are now considering banning me permanently.

...Had I read about another member doing this I would be absolutely disgusted - to hear that I've been doing this and not even realised makes this so much worse. I don't even know where to begin to straighten this out. Honestly I think I'm still in shock.

So let me begin with what will inevitably sound like the world's biggest ass-kiss: this site has the best moderating team on the Internet. There are no comparisons. No matter how crazy it gets here, if there was another team running the show the site would be either suffering or dead. Not so with you guys. You are champions. That's what makes this hurt so much - that I've made you guys of all people feel like shit. It's unacceptable. This situation is reprehensible, and it's my fault.

There's no legitimate way to apologise for this; no way to say this with a clear head. The only wrong thing to do is to say nothing. Realising all the things I've thought and never said to you folks, probably because there's no way it can't sound sappy and grovelling, all I can think of doing right now is saying what I've never said and I think you need to hear, regardless of how you feel about me right now.

I'm sorry to those of you staff I don't address personally; I mean nothing by it, but it's almost impossible to get that across. You are all what makes the SSMB and TSS work. I don't think, try as I will shortly, that I will be eloquent enough to express the sentiment I feel for this place. You guys make a house a home.

Because there's no other fair way to order this list, I will proceed alphabetically.

ArchangelUK

I know you've moved on more recently, but I greatly respected the tremendous amount of work you put into contributing to the community in an official capacity which most of us would neither have the opportunity nor the patience for, and all the news reveals and co-ordination with the community you were a major contributor to. I hope your new job treats you at least as well as your time at SEGA did.

bmn

Being the primary driving force behind having a running site at all is something you can never be thanked for enough, and it's particularly unfair that you get so little praise for doing what you do so well. There's no way any of us can properly express our gratitude for your contribution, so I won't be patronising by trying to.

Carbo

You were great before you got the staff position and you're even better now. Your ability to dive to the heart of a matter and bare it for everyone to see clearly and plainly is something I respect tremendously, and frankly I'm sorry we don't talk more often.

Chris

You seem to show up once in a blue moon these days, which makes me sad. Lots of features we have access to on the forum are your work, and again there's so little appreciation for what you've done and do for this place. Thanks for that, Chris.

^DiZnEy^

I'm glad to see you more active again lately, Diz. Your jovial and positive nature is infectious; hell it's a cure-all for the blues. I know you occasionally get self-conscious about your English but don't - 99.9% of the time I forget I'm not talking to a native speaker, and the 0.1% is when you bring that fact up yourself! Everyone needs a little sunshine in their lives and you bring it to the SSMB in spades.

Dreadknux

I'm glad life and luck are treating you well, and I hope you realise the sheer magnitude of what you've already accomplished with this place.

Flyboy Fox

...well. I particularly owe you an apology. I have never once meant to imply that you do your mod duties badly, because that's a ridiculous statement to make. I suspect though that I have given that impression on at least one occasion and for that I am truly sorry for being an insensitive bastard.

You bring something very special to the team, and it needs saying. In the face of everything you're dealing with personally that you've disclosed to us and surely more too sensitive to spill in public, very, very few people could keep the level head you do and help to keep a large forum such as this in line. I suspect you might feel that I'm talking bollocks saying this, but that's you to a tee. You have no idea how valuable and wonderful a person you are, and that I have ever given you reason to think otherwise offends me, let alone anyone else. You deserve all the love and friends in the world and don't let anyone ever let you think otherwise for a second.

Iceman

Where are you, man?! I hope you're doing OK, there's a gap in our ranks these days because you left it.

Patticus

If there's a political topic floating around at any time, you're there enriching it with your posts. I'm always interested by the insight you bring into political discussions no matter the issue, and I'm glad you make the time to do so whenever the opportunity arises. I hope life's running smooth for you.

Pelly

Thanks for helping me to calm down and get it together when I was panicking earlier. We really need to talk more again. This will sound awkward, but there's something about how you mod and post in general: that quality of being able to sound down-to-earth, friendly and informal whilst also giving the sense that behind it is a very intelligent person without insisting on beating people around the head with that fact. I envy that, I really do: this entire fiasco has come to pass because I'm incapable of speaking my mind without sounding like an arsehole. I'm sure this post is no exception either.

Roarey

...You're going to hate this. I swear my nose isn't brown.

Whenever in my mind I consider the question "how should an admin behave?" and I do this more often than is healthy, I might as well be asking "how would Roarey handle this?". Today is no exception either: I'm glad you decided to give me a second chance and let me be able to make this post at all. I'm glad that you're the rock at the centre of the staff team that is unfailingly dependable whenever the staff is in need. I'm glad you're compassionate and understanding when the staff are feeling down. I'm glad you told me straight that I was being a fucking moron when I couldn't see it myself and I am tremendously sorry for how badly your impression of me has declined since we last spoke properly. You are a superb team leader and set the standard by which all others are judged; and if you don't believe dumbass ol' me just look at how many people will yell at you for suggesting otherwise.

At least now if I do go down on my failship I actually had the opportunity to tell you that after six years. You kick arse, sir. I'm sorry I've disappointed you.

Roareye Black

I remember the SSN of old fondly, and I hope Germany is working out well for you.

Sean

You are a superb moderator. If the only people who dislike you are trolls and rule breakers, you're doing pretty much everything right. Plus if anyone happens to have a problem with you at any given time - usually an understandably bad day for you and the complainee - that's fine too, because I've never known you mishandle the criticism that seems to be flung at you more than ever. Despite how jaded you seem to have gotten these days if your temporary sabattical from moderating was any indication, your presence enriches this forum and makes it better. You are both fair and firm, and once again, I really wish we talked more often. You were always awesome and screw anyone who thinks otherwise; they're not worth it.

Shadzter

I've never known anyone so diligent with keeping a news feed up-to-date, and TSS is better for it. When you're not farming news information to publish, you're winposting left, right, and centre. Your contribution to the site's content is immeasurable and I respect the hell out of you for it. Yet again, talking more often would be swell.

Wolfy

I didn't forget you. I'm sorry you felt it necessary to retire, you always did a great job. I know you tend to prefer to lurk these days and that's cool, but just know that when you do post, I always love reading it. There's much more to you than you let on, and everyone loves an enigma.

As might be apparent by now, I've never been much of a people person, and iRL I frequently claim to have the social skills of a turnip. This is evidence of that. I'm working on it, guys, but the question now of course is whether you're willing to put up with me and my incredible lack of tact and sensitivity. There are no excuses for what I've done over God knows how long you've all been dealing with this and me never noticing that I'm hurting you guys. I love this place, and I guess I don't make that clear enough in what I say and how I say it.

Regardless of how this turns out, please guys - and all members - if you ever have a problem with me, what I've said to you or to someone else, PM me about it (or IM/e-mail me depending on where this goes down). I'm used to a family with very caustic tongues, incredibly thick skin and a habit of inappropriate jokes and comments, and it seems what comes with that is a lack of sensitivity; you have to be to live with it every day. I cannot stand upsetting people, especially people I respect, so please, if I'm being a dick, tell me. Clearly I have trouble spotting it on my own.

Thanks for reading the whole thing if you did, otherwise:

TL;DR: read the whole thing already

[Blue Wisp]

I'm not in that list.

Fuck you.

Kidding. I don't see how you were a bastard.

At least not to me :U

[Jeffhog]

Dude...

Well Velotix, I don't know you personally, but that sets a higher standard for apologies there. You really put a lot of thought into your words, and I commend you for it.

If ever you're in the dumps, I'm free anytime you want to share a word or two as well. I hope your rocky relationship with the administrative team will smooth out quickly.

[Eternal EX]

Glad you were not an ass to me. But I'm assuming this apology is also towards the members too. I accept all of that long post.

[CrownSlayers Shadow]

What...the heck happened that made folks think of you that way? I've hardly ever seen you act the way you describe...unless I wasn't active in a particular topic.

Kinda shocking myself really.

[Raxz]

Same. I've never seen you act in a way that would anywhere near warrant a permaban, but then again, I don't explore the whole forum most of the time.

[Dark Qiviut]

CSS is on the money. I have no idea what would make you think this way. I've never seen you post anything that warrants actions against you, and I've looked at your post history. Nothing suspicious appeared. If you ask me, someone PMed you just to scare you. If this is true, then that's downright pathetic.

That said, hope you feel better soon! *hugs*

[Remy]

Eh, nevermind.

yr alright.

Edited October 21, 2011 by remy

[azoo]

I'm not sure what this is about and what caused this, but I support giving a thumbs up to every moderator, so I approve of this post..?

[Your Vest Friend]

If you were apparently so close to being permabanned, shouldn't they have warned you back when you first began to supposedly post the insensitive comments, and not let it build like that? Even i got some warning before being banned. It'd be totally weird to jump straight to bans.

[Remy]

I'm not sure what this is about and what caused this, but I support giving a thumbs up to every moderator, so I approve of this post..?

[Roarey Raccoon]

Okay, right, this seems like as good an opportunity as ever to clear some air. I'm the one who came down hard on you, because that's what I do; I seldom get involved in the punishing of members because the moderating team are excellent at that; I only step in when they feel like there's not much they can do. You haven't directly broken forum rules in any overt way, so the mods aren't going to strike you or anything like that, because they do their jobs. However, there is more to the interaction between staff and member than simply dealing with a small list of simple rules that are there as guidelines. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that social interaction is a complicated subject, particularly through the medium of text. Shit can easily be taken out of context or misread and there is no tone of voice to ground messages the way speech is.

Now you've decided to take this out in the open so I will as well. From the get-go you have presented yourself to the staff as holier-than-thou on account of the ridiculous number of reports you have made over time, calling members out over the smallest things and trying to get the staff to fuck other members over. You're extremely judgemental of other members but because it's via reports nobody but us staff can see that shit. You've sent PMs to staff too slanting their decisions and making light of what they say; you are particularly dismissive of Sean, for what reasons I haven't the foggiest bloody idea. As an example, when Flyboy Fox entered a topic that was getting derailed and asked people to stop in her usual reasonable and polite manner you ignored her completely and then sent a PM to Flyboy saying you saw the post she made but "decided to finish anyway because I felt it needed to be said".

If you carry yourself like that you make staff feel like what they are saying is falling on deaf ears and it makes them feel like shit. Why? because they care, that's why. The staff here are passionate about what they do, they want this forum to be the best it can be and when someone feels like they have so much status here that they're just going to go and do what they feel like anyway it is nothing short of a kick in the teeth. There's a chance you didn't know you were doing this, I know how people are and the mistakes we often make as human beings, but you sure as shit know now. That's why you got that PM from me, because the staff could not do anything to you directly according to the rules, but because I'm the head admin here I can go beyond those rules when needed. You aren't the only person here who has displayed arrogance and let things get to your head; you aren't public enemy number one for the staff either. Hogfather is another guy with his head up his own ass, for instance.

Now it is fine for anyone to question my actions on this forum, I know very well that I'm miles away from perfect and I've made some bad decisions in my time here. I'm also an asshole whenever I sign in, because right away I switch to admin mode and I behave differently than I would do otherwise. However, what I do know is that more often than not my tactics, however harsh, do work. Your making this topic is a testament to what one message from me can do, so take it on the chin and continue to enjoy these forums with hopefully more understanding with regards to your own behavior. I will not tolerate, ever, staff being belittled on these boards and when they feel like crap because of someone, and I don't give half a fuck who they are, they will know about it and either change or get out. So I hope you make the right decision.

Oh and just to clarify, the staff didn't decide to send you an ultimatum in the form of a 'change or be banned' PM, that was entirely me. So if anyone is pissed about this, slag me off.

[Tornado]

Honestly, I'm not sure if I should even be posting this after Roarey just made that post above, but I have seen you do the stuff that you are referring to in the OP, Velotix; and there have actually been a couple times where your attitude towards and lack of respect for the moderation staff has required every ounce of my restraint to keep from chewing you out for it and probably making things even worse (one of your posts in the thread about revising the rules for the Generations subforum being the most recent example). And, like Roarey said above, Sean in particular seems to be the one with the target frequently painted on his back whenever you did it.

[Your Vest Friend]

...I still kinda stand by what I said. On every other forum I go on, ignoring a moderator's request IS a warnable (strikable if persistent) offence that's against the rules. Is the policy here that different, or...?

[Roarey Raccoon]

...I still kinda stand by what I said. On every other forum I go on, ignoring a moderator's request IS a warnable (strikable if persistent) offence that's against the rules. Is the policy here that different, or...?

It's not explicitly stated that members will be striked for ignoring a moderator in the rules, no. Staff usually let it fly when it happens on a single occasion but naturally they'll get really pissed if it happens on a larger scale and start handing out strikes XP.

[Your Vest Friend]

Ah, 'k then.

[azoo]

ಠ_ಠ

...:V

Mods, staff, whowhatsits, wrong wordings; you know what I mean, I love you guys.

[Meow]

...:V

Mods, staff, whowhatsits, wrong wordings; you know what I mean, I love you guys.

I think that reaction was more in line with the fact that he isn't in the original post haha. But its okay, we do love you too Remy!

Edited October 21, 2011 by Punk

[azoo]

Woah, I didn't realize that until now! =O

Well in that case, sorry he didn't mention you, but we love you too Remy~

[CrownSlayers Shadow]

Honestly, I'm not sure if I should even be posting this after Roarey just made that post above, but I have seen you do the stuff that you are referring to in the OP, Velotix; and there have actually been a couple times where your attitude towards and lack of respect for the moderation staff has required every ounce of my restraint to keep from chewing you out for it and probably making things even worse (one of your posts in the thread about revising the rules for the Generations subforum being the most recent example). And, like Roarey said above, Sean in particular seems to be the one with the target frequently painted on his back whenever you did it.

I must not have been active around where he said it then. For the most part, I've not posted as much as I usually would in the past, and I don't always look at every topic (well who really does?) on my own accord, so that might explain why I'm in the dark about this. Had I seen it, I would've no doubt got onto him about it, and I don't mean any offense when I say that as I've done so on plenty of other friends of mine.

Kinda odd. Velotix hasn't come off the way you guys describe from what I've seen of him, but I've not seen much of his posts from where I visit. I've seen a few renegade moments, but I overlooked them simply because I've had quite a bad habit of doing it myself. Never sent a PM to a mod like that, tho. I've known only a slight amount of strife they've come across against them...that, and I assumed doing something like that was an instant strike (not that I'd do it then, a lot of them are my friends after all).

[Pelly <3's U]

I'd honestly also like to say one thing concerning to members posts in this topic because we get this a lot. It will be TL;DR but please read it because I think it might inform some of you about certain situations and behaviors a lot of you have been displaying:

Everytime a member gets in trouble in a public way, it seems that every other members tries to come in and access the situation with their two cents. Now often times, going by fragmented and often incomplete information, they will feel the need to both speculate and put in their opinions on matters. And a lot of the time watching this feels like watching a bunch of headless chickens try to put a jigsaw puzzle together.

As a member you have access to members posts, and only posts that we haven't deleted/edited. As staff we have access to all your posts, pre-edited posts (only if we saw them unfortunately hint hint IB), deleted posts/topics, reports, PM's you've sent any staff member (because if they're regarding mod action we do share them), PM's that you've sent that have been reported, history of members (both personal and their staff logs/strikes), and more. We also, by nature of mods, tend to keep tabs on members in a different way then you guys. Whether you know it or not we have staff topics open about members that haven't concretely broken any rules or received strikes purely to discuss troubling behavior we see from. The amount of behind the scenes stuff that this can add up to that you members don't know about would kind of make your head spin. If someone were to ask me what would I consider some of the toughest, most drama filled things I ever had to deal with as a mod on the forum, I know a good number of them would be things that were completely behind the scenes that no members ever had any idea of.

Now I understand members kinda live for moments like these, because drama in fun in small doses and it's a glimpse into the world behind the scenes. It's the same when certain members get banned or in trouble and everyone speculates on it. And it's fine to want to comment on stuff with your detective hat on and magnifying glass (to a certain extent within the rules) and try to give your assessment. The problem is when you realize that you probably /don't/ know the whole story, but act as if you do. I see this sooo sooo very much, and it's frankly disheartening especially to see people criticize a lot of what we do based on very little information.

Like I said before also as a mod you know get to know when people have negative behaviors and assessments towards you. Dark Quivet's topic didn't really surprise us in the least, most of us have known for awhile he's been a powder keg waiting to explode with his many opinions of how things should be run around here. I can also predict many members who might be trouble down the line, because I pay probably quite a bit more attention (and have access to more info) regarding how members feel towards other members and members of staff. The other day members were suggesting someone to be a moderator in the chats for a member that we as staff consider one of the biggest headaches regarding attitude towards the boards and us (actually almost all the really popular mod candidates that members would suggest are usually on our /over my dead body/ list of people to have on the team XD)

Keep in mind we are people, and even if you don't realize it your attitude can come into play and affect us as a team....and the fact that we're working for free and have to deal with hours of work, criticism, drama, bullshit, and anything you can think of and then on top of it deal with stuff like the above can be really /really fucking/ sucky. I'll make a note of a personal moment. I remember one time when the forum was going through one of its rowdy spells (much like now) and I was spending hours and hours on the boards trying to mod things, oftentimes feeling completely overwhelmed. At the same time I (and the rest of the staff) were dealing with countless things members couldn't see, from reports that basically very rudely commanded us to do certain things or criticized other stuff, to pm's we were sent from people we punished or didn't which could be very biting and rude (I've been sent PM's rude enough to make me cry and want to quit modding, and other staff have dealt with the same....and usually the people who send them don't get punished because we try to suck it up), many members of the staff team were either so frustrated they didn't want to deal or were considering leaving the team altogether, and we were also dealing with a lot of personal drama between the members behind the scenes....and let me tell you that is the absolute worst stuff to deal with.

Now when going through all of this many members were of course clued in to the fact that the boards had become bad because of spammy posts and some minor flame wars and off topicness. The majority of you had /no/ idea how grim things really looked behind the scenes, as I bet most of you who would read the above paragraph wouldn't be able to name the time frame this all went on (though undoubtedly there will be many who think they can, see chicken comment above). Now going through all of this, I had to deal with quite a few people belittle the forums problems to me, and basically act very much so like the staff team was a bunch of incompetent whiners because we were all frustrated by a couple spammy posts and had no idea what real problems were. I have to say in quite a few instances I probably lost some of my composure and was probably a bit biting/distant to people like this....and while I could of explained the whole situation maybe, in the end us as staff members we often don't feel like this stuff is the whole forums business, so basically I was given almost no recourse but to sit there and listen to how me and my fellow teamates(friends) were completely wrong and incompetent. If you haven't been through something like this let me tell you, it is not just text on a computer....it becomes very personally grating and really makes you question why you work so hard in the first place for so little in return.

You guys will almost never know how much work we do/things we put up with....and for the most part that's fine. I am not in this for glory or prestige, I'm in this mainly because I genuinely like a lot of the forum members and I love my fellow staff members (not saying they're above you guys, it's kinda like how soldiers have special feelings about the others out there with them in combat vs civilians luuul). If you ever wonder why staff members will get out the whipping stick and be twice as hard on you if they see you insulting or arguing with another member of staff then if it's themselves, it's because we know what it's like. We know how hard it can be. I've personally talked to other members of staff many times (and vice versa) in the worst moments, when you really don't want to do it anymore. I've always said if there's one thing on the board I won't put up with, it would be outright cruelty and dickishness towards my other members of staff. I would be very much likely to vote you have no place on this forum for that rather then being horrible to me personally (and every other members of staff feels the same way, as you could see by the fact that Roarey PM'd Velotix in the first place even with nobodies request).

I know this was really long, and I'm honestly happy if you read it. I really do like so many of you so much, but it would honestly make our jobs so much easier if you were aware of this and understood this and maybe kept it in mind before you jump right to the first conclusion that pops into your head. You would likely have much much happier staff, and that would go a looooong way towards making this forum a better place.

[Cola]

New rule: talk back to a mod in an obscenely rude way, get suspended for a day

I know it can be hard for some to talk back to the mods, but they're people too, with lives and feelings. They should be treated as such. Because they take time out of their lives and put up wih our shit, they should be treated with respect. It's kinda like talking back to a parent or teacher: you just don't do it.

Edited October 21, 2011 by Colasaurus Rex

[Stacy]

Whether you know it or not we have staff topics open about members that haven't concretely broken any rules or received strikes purely to discuss troubling behavior we see from.

Does that mean you have topics about without us knowing. Makes me paranoid *puts tin-foil hat on*.

I knew you guys were alien robo-ninja lizards!

[Remy]

Does that mean you have topics about without us knowing. Makes me paranoid *puts tin-foil hat on*

I know what you had for lunch today, I don't approve, either.

[Stacy]

I know what you had for lunch today, I don't approve, either.

A Meat Potato Pie?

Damn you guys are scary now!