Sonic Colors - Dr. Eggman's PA Announcements

[Uncle Kenny]

I haven't found a written list of Dr. Eggman's shoutouts anywhere, so I decided to make one myself. It was a hell of a job, since it's incredibly hard to hear what he says with the echo and all, but I think I pretty much nailed it.

 

If you see any typos or notice I've written the wrong word anywhere, please, feel free to leave a comment and correct me.

 

 

 

Tropical Resort

 

Please refrain from throwing coins, trash or small children into the reflecting pools.

 

The unfiltered starlight from the lovely constellations above is full of deadly radiation. Help yourselves to our complimentary STF-3000 Starblock. And by complimentary, I mean quite expensive.

 

The foliage you see was pilfered from various environmentally fragile planets. Please enjoy them, as they are the last of their kind.

 

Notice the lovely planet floating in the sky above you, soon to be the property of Eggman Enterprises.

 

Please refrain from teasing the robots, as they are very sensitive and require expensive maintenance.

 

Please do not be concerned if you encounter any screaming aliens. The screams are how they communicate. Really! I promise.

 

Enjoy every moment in the luxurious grounds as if they might be your last. Especially if you’re a meddlesome hedgehog, or his fawning sidekick.

 

Please feel free to leave all valuables in your vehicle during your stay here at Eggman’s Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park, as they would be perfectly safe. In no way will roaming vans of robots break into your vehicle.

 

No aliens were harmed in the creation of this park. They were all harmed after the park was created.

 

Please refrain from foiling evil schemes, plots and odd plans while inside the park. Foiling is strictly prohibited.

 

Would the owner of a white hovercar shaped like an egg please report to the front desk. Your car has been broken into. Repeat. Would the owner of a white hovercar shaped like an egg please report to the front desk. Your car has been broken in... Wait a minute, WHAT THE HECK?

 

We here at Eggman’s Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park consider ourselves the universe’s first fully green amusement park. Although the green is from all the nausea and vomiting, but still. Green is green!

 

Please feel free to fill out a brief survey after your visit. Your opinions matter to us. Unless you didn’t have fun, then we don’t care.

 

Would Sonic the Hedgehog please report to the security office? Sonic the Hedgehog, please report to the security office. We found your... Eh... Your keys! Yes, that’s it, we found your keys. No need to be ready for a trap, since we only want to return your keys.

 

The following rides are closed for repairs: the Free Money Ride, It’s an All You Can Eat-world and Pick a Car, Any Car.

 

 

Sweet Mountain

 

Welcome to the Sweet Mountain. Insulin will be provided, at a marginal extra cost. And by marginal, we mean enormous.

 

We know they look delicious, but please refrain from licking the rides. That would be disgusting. Do you know where those rides have been? People have been sitting on those rides. With their BUTTS! Okay, go ahead. Lick them. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

 

Enjoy the rides, but be careful. The seats can be sticky.

 

Due to cost restrains, some of the donuts used in this ride are of the day old variety. We apologize for this cost cutting measure, and hope that you enjoy the ride.

 

There’s no line at Bake Me Crazy, the ride that simulates what it’s like to be baked like a cake. The ride itself lasts an amazing 20 to 25 minutes, or until golden brown. Not recommended for our guests who are sensitive to temperatures exceeding 350 degrees.

 

We hope you’re enjoying this sunny day here at the park. Sadly, a sunny day once again mean that the Choco-Coaster is out of service. Due to melting.

 

 

Starlight Carnival

 

If you’re experiencing explosive decompression, please try to avoid staining the seat cushions. Those things are expensive.

 

Remember, for your safety, please avoid... As well as... Never under any circumstances... As it is actually a living being, and will bite your face off.

 

Attention! The anti-gravity toilets on this level are out of order. We are sorry for this inconvenience, and hope that you can hold it for another twenty thousand light years.

 

We seem to be loosing pressure on level 17. Please hold your breath against the harsh vacuum of space, until you pass out from oxygen starvation. After that you won’t care. Enjoy the ride!

 

Just a reminder: Please refrain from pushing buttons on the starship. Occasionally, one might jettison you into space. If this happens, your next of kin will be billed for the replacement hatch. 

 

Attention ladies and gentlemen! Please make your way over to the main viewing area, where the Light Speed Electrical Parade is about to begi... Ohoh, and, and that concludes the Light Speed Electrical Parade.

 

The Hyper Sleep Ride is now open. Remember, the Hyper Sleep Ride is not recommended for pregnant women, or people who aren’t willing to be asleep for three years.

 

Please note that this ride is not safe for children under twelve, or over thirteen. It is also not safe for thirteen year olds.

 

Please note: Any mutant powers gained from riding the attractions here at the park are the express property of Eggman Industry, and must be used in the service of Eggman and his schemes.

 

Attention! The muscle atrophy simulations will not be open today. We apologize for the inconvenience, but we were not able to find the strength to open it.

 

Rock it your way to the Lunch Pad for a fine dining experience. You’ll have a blast! It’s fun for the whole family. Please no old people or children.

 

Attention guests! If there is anyone here who has experience with aerial space technology, specifically upper orbit theme park gravitational control system, please report to the main office immediately! Thank you.

 

Please refrain from peeling off the special space-age polymer holding the starship together. If they look and feel like duct tape, but it’s not. It’s called... Ehm... Space tape. Very advanced stuff. Thank you.

 

 

Aquarium Park

 

This exotic aquarium contains many rare and endangered species. Enjoy them with a delicious soy glaze at the Bucket O’Sushi restaurant.

 

The mighty ocean! Cradle of life! Trivialized for your amusement at Eggman’s Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park.

 

Please avoid breaking the glass, as it is the only thing between you and ten million gallons of freezing wet death.

 

“Water” you waiting for? Climb aboard the exotic aquarium for a boatload of... Ah, who writes this dribble?

[Orbot]- You do, boss.

Oh, you’re right! I do! Ohohoh! I’m hilarious!

 

In the unlikely event of an emergency, please find the nearest escape pod. For anyone not named Eggman, your escape pod can be found back on the planet, still being assembled in the factory.

 

Welcome to the exotic aquarium. Any water you may notice on the floor is the result of our diligent house cleaning staff’s mopping. And not evidence of a dangerous leak in the... Oh, heck with it! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

 

To avoid embarrassing hickies, please refrain from arm-wrestling the octopie.

 

Remember to try our newest improved water slide. Now with 20% less raw sewage!

 

Enjoy the ride. And remember, in case of an emergency, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device. It won't actually float, but you can use it as one!

 

Yarr maties! Experience the oddest denizens of the seven seas in Cap’n Eggman’s amazin' underwater aquarium! This is really embarrassing...

 

 

Asteroid Coaster

 

Please be sure your safety belt is properly buckled, or you at least have a really good grip on something.

 

This coaster is not for small children. Or big babies.

 

Welcome to the Asteroid Coaster. Now with 32% more asteroids!

 

Welcome to the Asteroid Coaster. Accident-free for 45 minutes!

 

In space, nobody can hear you scream. Except for the person sitting next to you, so please be considerate of others. Nobody likes a screamer.

 

Please keep your hands and feet in the car at all time, because there are tiny asteroids traveling at incredible speed, hurtling through space. Keeping your hands and feet in the car won’t prevent you from being hit, but our lawyers tell us we have to say it anyway.

 

Would the owner of the yellow car, license plate 1NOM155, please report to the main gate. Your vehicle is in the path of an asteroid, and is about to get smas... Oh well, never mind.

 

Remember to try one of our new Space Pops! All the flavor of outer space, with only half the radiation.

 

Please beware of the spikes on the asteroid coaster, they are sharp. Really? We have to warn people about spikes? Like they won't notice the spikes, I mean, come on! The cars are nothing but spikes! Unbelievable! What... Wa... My... My what is still on?

 

The Black Hole Parade starts in five minutes. Don’t miss it. It’s so entertaining, that it sucks you right in!

 

Attention! If you find a gold ring, please return it to the lost and found. Thank you.

 

The space sickness you will eventually get, is not the responsibility of Eggman’s Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park, or its subsidiaries. Send any complaints to the inventor of space. Thank you.

 

Every visitor to the park gets a free blue hedgehog! If you catch one, please feel free to take it home with you. Or destroy it. Our choice.

 

 

 

World Map

 

Tropical Resort

Next stop: the Tropical Resort. There, you’ll find breathtaking views from our giant Ferris Wheel, amazing views from the shopping mall, and constant risk of bodily harm.

 

Sweet Mountain

Next stop: the Sweet Mountain. Enjoying our candy paradise is the perfect way to celebrate your next birthday. Or to avoid reaching it.

 

Starlight Carnival

Next stop: the Starlight Carnival. The sheer scale of our illuminated space fleet is sure to make you feel small and insignificant by comparison.

 

Planet Wisp

Next stop: Planet Wisp. This attraction is currently off-limits, as it is still under construction and may not be dangerous enough for visitors yet.

 

Aquarium Park

Next stop: the Aquarium Park. This underwater attraction is the perfect place to commune with sea life, and hopefully, get chummy with the sharks.

 

Asteroid Coaster

Next stop: the Asteroid Coaster. Zoom along, through and sometimes into space debris, and lose your lunch in

Zero-G.

 

Terminal Velocity

Critical system failure! Repeat: Critical system failure! All attraction access is temporarily suspended. Please exit the park via the emergency exit ahead. This is all your fault.

 

Options Satellite

Next stop: the Options Satellite. There, you can adjust a variety of settings for a more pleasurable visit, if you’re the self-centered, bossy type.

 

Egg Shuttle

Welcome aboard the Egg Shuttle, offering light speed access to each of the park’s attractions. Perfect for jittery visitors with no attention span to spare on getting there.

 

Game Land

Welcome to Game Land, home of the ever-popular Sonic Simulator. Waste time with your pathetic friends in multiplayer mode.

Edited March 4, 2013 by Uncle Kenny

[Da Blu Hedgie]

Every Eggman PA announcement in one video. PS Do you actually want a download for these as separate clips, because I can provide that, it just might take a while though.

Edited March 3, 2013 by Manly man

[Semi-colon e]

“Water” you waiting for?

 

You know what, when Colours first came out and I saw a playthrough of Aquarium Park (because I didn't have a Wii at the time), the drowning music kicked in as Eggman said this, and I thought it was him over the intercom taunting Sonic as he started to drown. Now that would have been awesome.

 

It's a shame most of these are so quiet though, they're genius. They also only seemed to put them in the main acts, the shorter and more gimmicky ones didn't get any to liven them up :/

Edited March 3, 2013 by Semi-colon e

[Uncle Kenny]

Do you actually want a download for these as separate clips, because I can provide that, it just might take a while though.

 

Naw man I'm good.

Edited April 12, 2013 by Uncle Kenny

[Mando-Whirl-Wind]

ehhehehhe these crack me up

[krazystitch]

Such a small detail as your speeding through levels, but such an amazing one too. I never really noticed just how much dialogue they put into it.

[Old dead account]

It's little thing like these that make me appreciate this game more.

[Yoko/葉子]

Mike Pollock himself said that he liked doing Colors the most because of the comedic lines he had to say.

[sonfan1984]

Thanks so much for typing all of that down. ^^ I loved the PA announcements in this game.

Edited March 3, 2013 by sonfan1984

[Vertekins]

These lines are what make Colours so darn funny and Eggman so charming

 

We seem to be loosing pressure on level 17. Please hold your breath against the harsh vacuum of space, until you pass out from oxygen starvation. After that you won’t care. Enjoy the ride!

 

In the unlikely event of an emergency, please find the nearest escape pod. For anyone not named Eggman, your escape pod can be found back on the planet, still being assembled in the factory.

 

 

Enjoy the ride. And remember, in case of an emergency, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device. It won't actually float, but you can use it as one!

 

 

Gotta love how apathetic he is to attendee safety XD

[Anti Alias]

Massive GLaDOS feel from these lines, so awesome, I just wish it had appeared in the subtitles though.

[Person]

I think Eggman's PA announcements were the funniest things in the game. Where some jokes in the story were bad, the PA announcements made up for them.

My favorites are:

 

"Every visitor to the park gets a free blue hedgehog! If you catch one, please feel free to take it home with you. Or destroy it. Our choice."

 

"Please feel free to fill out a brief survey after your visit. Your opinions matter to us. Unless you didn’t have fun, then we don't care."

 

And

 

"Please refrain from peeling off the special space-age polymer holding the starship together. If they look and feel like duct tape, but it’s not. It’s called... Ehm... Space tape. Very advanced stuff. Thank you."

 

Mike Pollock says these Announcements PERFECTLY.

Edited March 4, 2013 by Person

[iDEATH]

these are hilarious, man I wish I could play this game

[Gabz Girl]

It's a shame those PA announcements are difficult to hear in-game, because they are absolutely brilliant! The humour is definitely there.

[Burnt Ash]

Yeah, the PA announcements are pretty nice touches to Colors. If I could hear them in the gameplay, it'd be better, and make it a bit more fun for me to run through.

[Dr. Crusher]

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Robotnik's announcements were one of the many reasons for why Colours is tied with Rush Adventure as my third favourite Sonic game of all (with S3&K first and Generations second). The Amazing Intersteller Amusement Park in general is one of my favourite plot settings in a video game ever - right up there with Crocodile Isle - and the announcements were the icing on the cake. It's also because of how perfect they are, because not only are they brilliantly funny, but a lot of them are surprisingly sinister. Really sinister. And that's exactly how Robotnik should be.

 

"This exotic aquarium contains many rare and endangered species. Enjoy them with a delicious soyed glace at the Bucket o’Sushi restaurant."

 

I especially like this one. It's the drastic change of tone in Mike Pollock's voice, and a perfect nutshell of displaying the character's apathetic bastardry and disregard for... well, anyone that isn't him.

 

One other one that I liked was this one for the beginning of Sweet Mountain: 

 

 

"Next stop: the Sweet Mountain. Enjoying our candy paradise is the perfect way to celebrate your next birthday... or to avoid reaching it."

[SenEDDtor Missile]

"Next stop: the Sweet Mountain. Enjoying our candy paradise is the perfect way to celebrate your next birthday... or to avoid reaching it." - Eggman, Sweet Mountain Level.

 

I still don't really get it. Is he saying that enjoying the candy paradise (as in eating the candy) is the perfect way to not reach your next birthday because you'll probably die from the excess of candy, or is he saying you'll become too fat from the candy that you won't be able to reach the next birthday party unless they roll you over there?

Edited March 4, 2013 by 743-E.D. Missile

[Dizcrybe]

I still don't really get it. Is he saying that enjoying the candy paradise (as in eating the candy) is the perfect way to not reach your next birthday because you'll probably die from the excess of candy, or is he saying you'll become too fat from the candy that you won't be able to reach the next birthday party unless they roll you over there?

 

I've always thought it was the former.

 

Also, my favorite:

 

"Please avoid breaking the glass, as it is the only thing between you and ten million gallons of freezing wet death."

Edited March 4, 2013 by thapoint09 (temp)

[Burtzman]

These announcements are the funniest things in the Sonic series.

I hope some future games have something similar, even if it's just in one carnival/casino stage

[Speederino]

I'm sure these would be hilarious if I could ever fucking hear them. I'll keep this thread in mind the next time I play Sonic Colors.

 

Holy shit I just posted in Sonic Discussion.

[MamboCat]

Tee hee hee... he used the word "pilfered". Fantastic.

 

Anyways, never played Colo(u)rs due to a lack of Wii... but these are freakin' hilarious.

 

I think

No aliens were harmed in the creation of this park. They were all harmed after the park was created.

 

is my favourite. I just love the intonation.

[SchemingMinor]

The next game needs less Sonic and more Eggman. I'm still waiting for that Eggman Adventure series.

 

 

And welcome to the club of analyzing and writing out Eggman lines from games. I would know, because I did two and shit, it was hard work.

[Jolt_TH]

You guys forgot the one during the cutscene where Eggman reveals that his bucket o'sushi restaurant now has more fish

[Uncle Kenny]

You guys forgot the one during the cutscene where Eggman reveals that his bucket o'sushi restaurant now has more fish

 

I figured I wouldn't include the ones said during cutscenes, but I could write down them too if you'd like.

[Semi-colon e]

"The mighty ocean! Cradle of light! Trivialized for your amusement at Eggman’s Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park."

 

I'm pretty sure it's life and not light, but I love this quote so much, I don't know why it amuses me so much. It plays at the beautiful 3D waterfall section in Act 6 and doesn't detract from it AT ALL.