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(SM64-GAMEPASTA STORY) Peach's Castle (READ MY THIRD POST)


SnipSnap
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READ MY THIRD POST IN THIS THREAD. THERE IS A NEW VERSION Of THIS.

What I was dealing with is a game that was doing what it's not supposed to be doing, as cliche as it sounds.

I had Super Mario 64 on my Wii, and it was good fun to play it. Even now, the nostalgia runs down my spine.

So to clear things up before I get to the point, I think I have a fake copy of Super Mario 64. But this copy is like nothing I have ever seen before and something I won't see again.

I had a Nintendo 64 because I was wanting to start being a video game collector.

I was in a game store called Play N Trade in Carytown, at least, I think that is what it's called, and it does exist. The thing about it is that they have old-time games, consoles, and et cetera. And at a cheap price too.

I decided to get Super Mario 64 from the store for my N64, so I bought it, and went home.

Now, I know I already have SM64 on my Wii, but nothing beats the original cartridge of the game though.

When I put the cartridge in the N64, everything went fine. I played around with Mario's head for a little while. When I pressed 'Start', a faint voice that sounded like Mario said 'That hurts'.

Huh? Where did that come from? Did screwing around with his head actually HARMED him? Well, if it happened in real life, that would have hurt.

I concluded that it was my mind's imagination, and proceeded.

When I started a new game, Peach and her letter did not show up. It went straight to controlling Mario. And I did not hear the birds tweet. There was silence.

Did the store rip me off with this stupid copy or something?

But I proceeded on, and went up to the castle.

When I reached the short bridge, Lakitu wasn't there. Instead, Toad was opening the door and running right up to Mario. And Mario had confused expression, like scratching his head and saying "Huh?"

Toad said in the speech box, "What are you doing here? Mario, you and your puppeteer better quit this game before you even start this quest. This is not a rescue anymore, this is your survival. This is even more than that too."

WHAT THE HECK?! "Puppeteer"? "Game"? Is Toad breaking the fourth wall?!

Then Toad vaporized into black smoke with a corrupted speech box popping up, accompanied with a loud, distorted, static-y gibberish voice. Mario yelled and jumped back in shock.

Well, this may not seem like the real SM64, but it's like an AWESOME hack so far.

I wanted to go to the castle, however, the game wouldn't let me control Mario. He just took a few steps back slowly away from the castle, shivering in what looks like fear. I can even hear him.

About 8 seconds later, Mario was able to let me walk, but more hesitantly than usual.

I got the the front door of the castle, and entered. The speech box said "You know that I will win."

OK, what IS this? This is really not normal, even for a hacked version. I thought it was just me, and I progressed.

The first room that you get to in the castle was empty. No Toads, no music, just the sound of the footsteps of Mario running around.

I went to the room where you go to the Bob-omb Battlefield, the first world you go to when you start the game.

But the painting that lets you get there wasn't there. Probably replaced with a "secret portal" trick, like in the dungeon.

And it wasn't. I threw Mario right at the wall where the painting was supposed to be, and it sure does prove a secret portal was not there.

Mario took slightly longer to get up and he groaned. His forehead went into his right hand like he had a headache.

This is where I could have just shut it off and threw it away, but since I didn't get the idea of this being supernatural, I continued. I got Mario to exit the room. Then he stopped and another box popped up saying one word: "Bored?"

Another one showed up. "Then maybe this will get you more excited."

There was a countdown timer at the bottom-left with 1 minute on it.

"If you do not find the key to the first Bowser stage in under 60 seconds, then Mario's soul ends itself. Let it begin."

The countdown started.

Then I ran Mario all around the castle as fast as he can to find it, completely prepared like a cold, raw turkey. Surprisingly, every single door except for the first boss was unlocked, which worried me, because the search would have to be wider.

When I had 20 seconds left, I found the key in the backyard in the water. Then it was time to run back up before I had no time left. I made it and unlocked the door when I had just 3 seconds left. I went in, and the familiar painting was at the end of the corridor with Peach there.

I expected it to fade to Bowser each step I took, but it didn't. Peach's face slowly melted when I went closer and closer to it. The trapdoor didn't do its job either, so that meant I had to go through that painting.

Well, from looking at Peach's horrifically melted face, I wasn't expecting anything happy from it.

I threw Mario right at the painting, and just one second before he went in, he yelled "NOOO--".

When the level selection showed up, instead of the funky "ha-ha-HA-ha-ha-HA", there was a sound of a gong that lasted 10 seconds.

This world was called "Abandoned". And there was only one level that said "NINTENDO". Put these together, you get "Nintendo abandoned".

I selected the level, and about the famous "Lets-a-go" or "Lets-pickle" or whatever you like, it didn't come up.

The level's atmosphere was very spooky indeed. It was pitch-black, so I could only see Mario. The music was the low-pitched, reversed, and 100 percent slowed down and distorted version of the Merry-Go-Round theme from the mansion.

I started walking straight for 30 seconds. And I noticed something in the distance. It was Bowser that looked like he had an intense fight, and he was laying at the ground. A speech box said:

"You have damned yourself."

What is he talking about? This is REALLY scaring me now.

I walked some more, and I found 4 Toads staring at Mario.

They said "You made yourself a new home. If only you had listened to Danterbury".

That Toad I met at the beginning was Danterbury? Well, that's interesting, but this isn't what I need or what I want.

I wondered who else or WHAT else I would find if I continued walking.

I saw Peach. She looked nothing more than a corpse, with a disfigured and very disturbed face. The music stopped when I moved Mario right by the body. He stared right at her.

A voice came out of nowhere, and it sounded formal yet very sinister:

"I win."

Then Mario went on his knees, and started sobbing.

That was it. I can't sit through another minute of this. Whoever hacked this must be one messed up guy.

I shut down the N64, and the screen was gone, but I can still hear Mario crying. I took the cartridge out, which the label was scratched now. Mario's sounds were still there, getting more and more anguished.

Then Mario screamed, like he was being tortured. And if you want to know what kind of torture, the screams really explains it in the nutshell, and it doesn't sound very pleasant at all.

Then the screams stopped when. I unplugged the TV. I was afraid to replug it, because I didn't want to see or hear anything more. Although I did replug it, and nothing happened.

I sat down on the couch for 3 minutes, thinking about what happened, trying to figure out how it happened and why.

5 days ago, I was playing some of Team Fortress 2 on my PC. Then that scream was there again, and it sounded like it came from the TV speakers in the family room.

I ran to that room to see what is happening and it was Mario from the horrible SM64 copy I had gotten rid of, banging on my screen. No, he REALLY was banging on it, like it was a window. And I really was looking at him.

"HELP ME! PLEASE HELP-A-ME!!"

Then he was sucked into the pitch-black darkness.

"WWWWWAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I also heard Luigi and other people screaming. Actually, EVERYONE from the Mario franchise was screaming.

I unplugged the TV again, and that didn't help this time around.

Then something was trying to break the screen from within. I can't tell what it is.

So I ran right out the door, and ran and ran and stayed in a motel. I do NOT want to go back there.

Now every time I go on the internet, I see a picture of Mario extremely disturbed and scared more than anything in his life, replacing every single photo on the web. Today, that picture was in YouTube video somehow, and he looked like he is at the end of of his own string. By that, I mean Mario looked like he won't live any longer.

Was there a monster in the limbo, forever torturing him and his friends? Or is that darkness and the screams Hell itself?

Well, I do not want to figure that out, whether or not I want an explanation.

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Emperor Robrainiac

I do love me some creepypasta.

 

It's a pretty good read, but flawed. One of the flaws I found was that the buildup was very short. The thing that bugs me in gaming pastas, is when the strange stuff begins to happen right when the game is turned on. 

 

I also did think the Mario characters and the "pastamonster" (As I like to call the sinister beings from creepypasta) trying to get out of the TV and such near the end was kind of overdoing it.  Aside from those two, I think it was a decent read.  

Edited by Dead Robrainiac: Lost Ep.
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Maybe it's just that gaming related creepy pasta is the most beaten dead horse out there, but this seemed rather mediocre. I'm not saying this to make you feel awful or to troll you, I'm saying this to HELP YOUR WRITING ABILITIES GROW TO THE LENGTH OF TRIPLE RAINBOWS ACROSS THE SKY.

Okay, here we go.

- If you make a creepy pasta, it has to be genuinely chilling. You can't have an entire story be creepy from start to end, it needs to start out calm and cool, and build up as it goes along. This is something this pasta lacked.

- The whole freaky hack/glitch/possesed console/possesed game has been done to death. Even if you have the speaker admit the cliché in the story, it still doesn't change the fact that it's a cliché. Try going for something else, such as taking the story through the game character's point of view.

- Mario is really hard to make scary. The only thing you could really do is a crappy Sonic.exe knock-off for that type of cheerful, colorful franchise to ever be dark. If you try to make something like Mario dark and eerie, it comes out silly.

- Character tourture isn't anything new. Instead, why not approach such a cliché with a new twist? Write from the character's point of view, and write it so that neither the character nor the reader has any clue what will happen. Be sure to capture the emotional trama of the character JUS RIGHT. Make it match the personalities that are established for them in their games. Don't go for physical pain or gore, go for confusion, fear, and helplessness over little things happening (scrambled dialog appearing out of nowhere, and the character leaps back screaming and breaving heavily because they know something isn't right.)

Hope this helps! Remember; take this as something to build upon.

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- Mario is really hard to make scary. The only thing you could really do is a crappy Sonic.exe knock-off for that type of cheerful, colorful franchise to ever be dark. If you try to make something like Mario dark and eerie, it comes out silly.

 

Just how else would I write this creepypasta then?

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Just how else would I write this creepypasta then?

Honestly, I have no idea. I'm sorry, SnipSnap. I should've considered that before making that statement.
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Yeah... it is your very first (as far as I'm aware), but this... seems very mediocre. I'm honestly not trying to insult you or anything; like Rants said, take this as something to build upon.

 

I also agree with Rants' statement that throwing creepy stuff here, there, everywhere from the very beginning actually decreases the scare value; I also find this to be a problem with most creepypasta these days. Try reading up a legitimate classic horror story from Gen X to Gen Y (in English, that's from post-WWII aftermath (say, around 1947) to the mid 1990s, somewhere about '94). From my opinion, a lot of horror stories these days have become a little samey due to so many trying to captivate on the genre. Reading some of the ones that kicked it all off may actually provide you with fresh inspiration, but don't try to take the whole story premise word by word. Try to fill your own suspense build, twists, climaxes, etc. Also like Rants said, try starting the story off calmly and slowly build into the shock. A person doesn't just see an event like this happening, most wouldn't even think of it; try to capture that feel.

 

Once again, take this as something to build upon, okay? Good luck n' all.

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  • 1 month later...

I edited the creepypasta and now it is called

Peach's Castle

Here it is.

What I was dealing with is a game that was supposedly hacked by someone, and honestly, by playing that game, he must lead a pretty weird and disturbing life, although a good hacker at that too.

I had Super Mario 64 on my Wii, and it was good fun to play it. Even now, the nostalgia runs down my spine. So I am gonna say it again, but a bit more specifically. I think I had a hacked copy of Super Mario 64, and this copy is like nothing I have ever seen before and something I won't see again. What I mean is someone who did it must have some pretty sick skills, in both ways.

I had a Nintendo 64 because I was wanting to start being a video game collector. This was to be my first console to 'collect' since because it brought along 3D gameplay. I could have gotten a SEGA Dreamcast, since I was more into Sonic than into Mario, but I got the N64 first instead because in the minority, I thought about giving Mario a chance.

I was in a game store called Play N Trade in Carytown, at least, I think that is what it's called. [NOTE: THIS STORE DOES EXIST] The thing about it is that they have old-time games, consoles, and et cetera. And at a cheap price too. I decided to get SM64 from the store for my N64, so I bought it. Now, I know I already have SM64 on the Wii, but nothing beats the original cartridge.

I started up the game and made a new file, and it went to the part about Peach's letter about the cake and all that. After Mario got out of the pipe, I started my adventure and went in the castle. Now this is where things start to get out of place. When I collected each star, the frame-rate slightly increased. Also the castle rotted and looked like it grew a bit older just a little bit.

I collected 8 stars, and the frame-rate was going almost smoothly, and the castle looked blacker and browner with cobwebs. I noticed that the Toads don't have their smiles on anymore, in fact, their mouths were gone. I tried to get to where you fight Bowser for the first time, but even though I had 8 stars, it wouldn't let me in. The speech box was blank, and Bowser's sound was a little low-pitched than usual. After that, the music was dead.

So now I don't know how many stars I need to get to the first Bowser boss. Then some pieces of wallpaper ripped off. And the frame-rate was just like that Smash Bros 64 game. The Toads dropped down on the floor and was getting skinnier. They were numbling with their heads too. I tried to talk to one, but there was some short lag, and the speech box had gibberish characters all around it. The sound it makes when you talk to the Toads was reversed.

And then there was music again, but it was completely different. Boy, it was hard to say what it was. It was very spooky to say the least. I think I heard Mario say something, but I can't hear what he was saying. I am sure that he is scared though. I decided to get more stars, and the paintings were clean, thank God. The worlds through the paintings were completely normal, so that was great for me. I got at least 12 stars, and I still can't get to that Bowser stage.

The castle looked dirtier now. I wanted to see what the outside looked. I got out, and everything was clean and green. The castle and the bridge was the only thing that rotted. I found Yoshi at top of the castle waving at me. He then jumped down into the water and unfortunately, he can't swim. He struggled for getting out of the water, and he drowned. I got back in the castle. I walked around hoping for an idea. A box popped up saying one word: "Bored?" Another one showed up. "Then maybe this will get you more excited."

There was a countdown timer at the bottom-left with 1 minute on it. "If you do not find the key to the first Bowser stage in under 60 seconds, then Mario's soul ends itself. Let it begin."

The countdown started. And the Danger music from Luigi's Mansion started, and it was playing faster than usual, with suspense packed with it. Then I ran, threw, and leaped Mario all around the castle as fast as I can to find it, prepared like cold turkey. Surprisingly, every single door except for the first Bowser stage was unlocked, which worried me, because the search would have to be wider.

When I had 20 seconds left, I found the key in the backyard in the water. Then it was time to run back up before I had no time left. I made it and unlocked the door when I had just 8 seconds left. The fast Danger music stopped and went back to the creepy music it was playing earlier. I went in, and the familiar painting was at the end of the corridor with Peach there. The corridor looked much worse than the foyer. It was dirty, covered with webs, looked rotten, and black-ish.

I expected it to fade to Bowser each step I took, but it didn't. Peach's face slowly melted, looked angrier and more like a psychopath murderer when I went closer and closer to it. The trapdoor didn't do its job either, so that meant I had to go through that painting. Well, from looking at Peach's horrific face, I wasn't expecting anything happy from it. I threw Mario right at the painting, and just one second before he went in, he yelled "NOOO--".

When the level selection showed up, instead of the funky "ha-ha-HA-ha-ha-HA", there was a sound of a distant gong that lasted 10 seconds. It wasn't white, it was black. This world was called "LAST HOUR". I selected the level, and about the famous "Lets-a-go" or "Lets-pickle" or whatever you like, it didn't come up.

The level's atmosphere was very spooky indeed. It was pitch-black, so I could only see Mario. The music was like in the castle, but different. I walked straight for 30 seconds. And I noticed something in the distance. It was Bowser that looked like he had a hard fight, and he was laying at the ground. A speech box said:

"Y4o6u2a2r2e1g5o4i0n2g1t2o1b4e8no3m3o8r2e0000736285083456"

I know it's too specific, but I wrote it down on my notes because I thought there is something in that. I was right. It said "You are going to be no more." Well, what a happy and fair warning. But this was not anything supernatural, just hacked. That was what I said to myself.

I walked some more, and I found 4 Toads staring at Mario. I wondered who else or WHAT else I would find if I continued walking. I saw Peach. She looked insane. She had big round eyes that seemed to pop out, and she had an axe. Peach had brown specks moving around her really fast, along with a metallic sound. She stared right at Mario. He took a few steps back. Peach started charging right towards Mario, so I made him run.

I ran and ran and ran and ran and ran, but Peach was getting closer. Finally, she leaped right on Mario and swung the axe at him, and cut his head off. Not in a graphic way, and not any blood at all.

The HUD disappeared and the camera focused on Peach. The level was no longer black, and it was the final Bowser stage. It was just much MUCH bigger, like a football stadium.

Then the screen cut to black. A white text said

"Due to Princess Toadstool's mental conditions, she was hellbent on killing people, and also did not look after her castle. Her conditions also made her very angry looking at her past, being kidnapped by Bowser, and decided to end that. She did not care about her friends anymore, or even Mario, instead, wanted to murder them. By this point, she was sent to an asylum for a lifetime. Peach's castle was abandoned and closed down."

So the point of this hacked game is that Peach became demented and it didn't provide a good ending. From the game's perspective, Mario collected stars on his journey for a long time, and didn't realize about Peach until towards the end.

But still, it was unpleasant to go through.

Was it an improvement at all?

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