Long Distance Relationships

[HelenBaby]

Thought I'd start this thread as its always an interesting topic. What are your thoughts on long distance relationships, guys? Personally I wouldn't mind so much, but I could never date someone I'd only ever met online. But thats just me, I -do- know heaps of people who have had very successful long distance e-relationships, which have later blossomed into IRL, such as my good friends Orengefox and Jen from Sonic Classic (Trans-Atlantic relationship!)! They're now getting married <333 *will have to draw them wedding giftarts*

Edited March 9, 2009 by HelenBaby

[Double Agent Motobug]

Well, I've had a long distance relationship before, but as soon as I met someone irl, I don't think I could ever go back to the emptiness that is long distance. D= Of course, I see nothing wrong with them, and if they finally end up together irl, more power to them! But... so many of them are just so darned hopeless...

I dunno. But I sure wish I could meet some people I know from the interwebs in real life! I mean, even just as friends. It's just so much easier to click with someone on here, than in real life. I notice online folk (that I meet) seem a lot less judgmental as well, which is great.

[HelenBaby]

I guess me and my ex were kind of a long-distace relationship, as he lived in Birmingham and me in London. It didn't feel like it, though, seeing as we saw each other every 2 weeks or so... Those were happy times

I dunno. But I sure wish I could meet some people I know from the interwebs in real life! I mean, even just as friends.

Try and come SoS 09! Would be a pleasure to meet you =)

[CapnCloudchaser]

Pretty much all of my serious relationships have been long distance.. How else can weird people like me find love?

My husband of five years I originally met through the Dreamcast Dreamarena chat rooms. We remained friends for years after online, and eventually we met up which lead to a relationship and marriage. I lived in Nottingham, he was in Newcastle, so the only times I got to see him was when I made a six hour coach trip

I kinda liked it that way though. I love having my own space and freedom, and my last relationship before him was with a guy that would never leave me alone, was always round my house, never gave me any peace. So having an online relationship meant I could have more space to myself as we get used to each other. Luckily we both give each other a lot of space now we've been living together five years, so that worked out well.

If I ever ended up single again, I think I would enjoy a long distance relationship again for those reasons I've listed above. But it's certainly not for everyone.. Some people really need that sense of closeness, and a long distance relationship needs a lot of work and trust thrown in it I think.

Edited March 9, 2009 by CapnCloudchaser

[HelenBaby]

Some people really need that sense of closeness, and a long distance relationship needs a lot of work and trust thrown in it I think.

That pretty much sums up how I feel...

Although I trusted my Anthony, ofcourse, from what I'd seen of him irl. Just came across as a trust-worthy time, know what I mean?

Edited March 9, 2009 by HelenBaby

[Semi-colon e]

I did the long distance thing for over a year with someone I knew online but then met irl prior to starting the relationship. I only saw her once every couple of weeks, but it was quite awkward sometimes as I couldn't see her as often as I'd like. After a while, I got fed up, and then the relationship fell apart and a few months ago we split up. We're still friends, but it's kinda easier to have ended it as the distance is annoying, not to mention expensive. Whenever I get into a relationship next I'd like it to be with someone who lives much closer.

I could never date someone purely online though, I'd have to know them irl too.

[Double Agent Motobug]

Try and come SoS 09! Would be a pleasure to meet you =)

Aha, awh, that's very nice, but I'm currently rather permanently ill, and I'm across the ocean. Maybe when I find a cure, and start rocking out, I can go play at SoS xD

[HelenBaby]

Sadly long distance/e-relationships can sometimes go quite badly wrong... as a certain guardian of emeralds has taught us... (sadly pretty much everything on his ED age is true =/ That boy is beyond fucked-up =P)

Edited March 9, 2009 by HelenBaby

[Eileanach]

I think that long distance relationships are great if you actually do find the "right" person. It is a lot of hard work and requires a crap load of trust and also you need to trust that people aren't going to harass you for going out with someone over long distance and try and break the two of you up.

I have heard of many success stories but I think it is a lot of work, I would much rather know the person in real life or at least have them living in the same Time Zone as me because having loads of hours difference can cause a lot of strain on a relationship.

Although, if you fully trust the person and know that nothing bad will happen whilst you aren't "together" then I guess there is no problem with it. It just depends how trusting you are and if you are a "wear your heart on your sleeve" type of romantic, I guess.

[Roarey Raccoon]

They're difficult and often painful, just like IRL relationships. I wouldn't recommend them at all unless you can realistically have physical contact with that person in the near future. Of course, I wouldn't recommend IRL relationships much either, certain circumstances excluded, but logic and reason have nothing to do with love and affection XP.

[Eileanach]

Wiser words have never been uttered Roarey.

[Kevin]

Long distance relationships can theoretically work out, but in reality, they're much more difficult due to time differences, possibily culture differences, etc. Yes, I've heard success stories, but they're few and far in between.

[Eileanach]

Kevin it is always a joy to receive your two pence worth on a situation. *hugs* I need to agree sometimes people in America struggle with those in the UK because there are some slight cultural differences that can cause a bit of friction.

[Random Rhyme]

I never tried it not even once. I only plan to do it if I am able to travel in the near future and meet the person IRL eventually. I thought about doing it multiple times but in the end I decided not to.

Edited March 9, 2009 by Shade737

[Violet]

If you have nothing else better to do, then why not? .

[AAUK]

If you're serious about them be prepared for some mild awkwardness and "the system" getting in the way... its very much worth it though if you are really in love.

[Flyboy Fox]

I met my girlfriend 10 years ago in a Team Rocket chatroom on AOL. She's an American from New Jersey, and I'm a Brit, living in London at the time we met. We currently both live in Bournemouth and spend almost every day together (we're at Universities that are next door to each other), and in September we'll be moving into an apartment together. We're definite proof that long-distance/online relationships can work out. Sure, there are challenges, but it's worth it in the end if it's really meant to be!

[Gabz Girl]

I used to have a long-distance relationship with someone years back. He lived on the Isle of Man, I lived in Holland at the time. However when I moved to Cornwall and he to Southhampton it was the perfect chance to meet. But we only got to see eachother 2 times IRL and he was awfully pushy about seeing me. He wanted to see me all the time. We broke up after that, and haven't spoken now for months and months because he rarely comes online. I don't care though, 'cos right after me he found love in other girls anyway. =/

And then last February I met another guy. He lives even further away, Spain! *sigh* But he's so lovely. My ex was pushy and a tad perverted, even online. But my new, current boyfriend, who I've been with since May last year is lovely. He's polite, kind, protective, patient...IMO, he's perfect for me, and I believe he is the true boyfriend. Very soon he will be moving here to the UK, living and working in London. He'll be able to drive down here to Cornwall and stay with me then for weekends. He's currently looking for a job in London, but I'm very sure he will find one soon. I seriously can't wait for him to come over! I'm being optimistic yes, but I do believe we'll get on very well in RL. We're very close. <=3

So I'll just say this...long distance relationships can be very succesful, but then other times they can't. It's 50-50 really.

PS: Don't worry, he can speak English. Really good English too. ;0

[Carbo]

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship. We live in different countries yeah, but we're not that far seperated from each other. I live in Sweden, she lives in England. I didn't think that long-distance relationships at first could work out, but ever since I met her then I've been really happy over where we've gotten, and I really want it to work. We usually have same opinions, same tastes, she's one of the best people I've ever met, which is why I've come to the conclusion that long-distance relationships are actually good. Sure its different to actually be there next to the person you're with, but sometimes you wont really find that special someone near close (especially in this shitty town where all we have are fruity-pants hip-hop girls), and the point is that you actually have someone you can rely on.

Actually, I'm gonna go meet her this coming April, the 18th. I'm all set and hell, I'm anticipated to no end, even nervous.

Edited March 9, 2009 by Carbo

[Eileanach]

Aw I do so love to hear about success stories it warms the cockles of my heart to hear them. I try to avoid them whenever possible but sometimes love is fickle and distance is just a matter of getting closer rather than shutting it out.

[RainbowLizard]

Strangely, i'm in an online relationship that actually works. It's really great, and a pretty cool story to tell actually:

--

I met her on a random chatroom while I was basically amusing myself by doing random crap on DeviantART. I had never ventured into the chatrooms before, but something just told me I should. So anyway, I went in, and everybody was American, and we all had a fun debate about crisps vs chips and stuff (XD) and then I met her, who also thought 'crisps' so she was British. I learned she lived in Scotland and we talked a bit.

We had lots of fun talking and we learned a lot about each other online. She was a really fun, bubbly and happy person and I absolutely loved that in her. We slowly moved to being best friends after a while because we were having so much fun talking about things and joking around.

She had introduced me to many fun things to do and a lot of the person I am today is thanks to things I learned when I was friends with her.

Things soon moved on to a greater level. We were talking on the phone a lot and I was contemplating telling her I had feelings for her, which I obviously did, so I continued having fun talking to her as usual until her best friend logged on one day, and told me that the one I had feelings for liked me back.

At the time, I was dismissive because well, I heard it from a best friend and generally they just try and pull your leg for a bit of fun, but on talking to her for a bit I found out that she did like me. I admitted I liked her back, and we went into a non-serious online dating stage, I guess, and got on like a house on fire. Said lots of 'I love yous' and stuff and doing silly romantic stuff like teenagers do.

Things got really serious on the 12th of October; she had told me that she was going to visit her stepsister in Darlington. I was REALLY tired of college and also dying to meet the girl who I had been dating for many weeks and who taught me so much. Naturally I arranged to come up and see her and so it was on the 12th that I took the train journey up.

It could have gone so much worse; the trains were all screwed up to hell, but the people in Darlington learned I was meeting my girlfriend for the first time and were really 'AWWW <3' about it and so arranged me a FREE taxi from miles away! I was so happy.

I rang her and told her i'd be a little late so she stayed back and waited for me, and I was very thankful of the driver as he pulled me into the train station car park, where I saw my girlfriend excitedly jump off of the wall she was sat on and come running up to me like a madwoman. XD

As I came out I got a huge tackle hug and we did kiss for the first time that day. I was so happy and it felt great seeing her. Which made it all the more upsetting when I had to go back at 6pm, and yes, the trains were back to normal ;-;. I spent the last 30 minutes at the train station just hugging her tight.

So then life went on, pretty much, we were absolutely obsessed with each other, always phoning each other and cancelling appointments just to spend the time on the phone to her, she opened a Vodafone families account with me on so we could spend more time talking etc. and it was really great.

Then I got invited to go spend New Years with her in Thurso, where she lived. I naturally jumped at the chance and bought a ticket. The train journey was really tiring and had many problems; trains cancelled from Edinburgh to Perth, and then by the time I got there I would have missed the last train to Inverness, so I had to get a (another free!) taxi and enjoy a three-to-four hour journey that was really tiring and cramped with other put-out train passengers, with whom I had a great talk with and enjoyed the company of. We all got on really well and the passengers who got off with me at Inverness whooped at me, as my girlfriend was there waiting for me! She came up and tackled me again, really happy, and we kissed lots and lots. The passengers who I was with waved us off as we got on the train from Inverness to Thurso.

Thurso was, in a word, awesome. We had lots of fun and did lots of cool stuff. We watched 'Yes Man' in the cinema, went to a New Years' Street Party and many other cool things. Thurso was an amazing place full of friendly people.

Unfortunately I had to go eventually so I headed home and cried most of the journey back. We still talked on the phone and previously I got us both a lovely necklace that says 'I love you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow'.

We met up again for Valentine's Day, and this time she came down to Barnsley to see me! We had great fun again and I loved every second. At the weekend I took her out to the mall and got her some jeans and we headed home, and I spoilt her a little for valentines; cooking food and the like. I headed back up to Thurso with her for the remainder of the week after we headed out on Tuesday and had great fun again.

We're planning to both head to the SoS 2009, and have lots of fun there. Hopefully will talk to a few of you

We've been together for 35 weeks this Thursday. <3

--

So yeah, that's my story so far. It's really great and yes, long distance relationships can work. Any relationship needs a large deal of effort, love and luck in order to work out, and I believe that with advances in technology anything is possible. Me and my girlfriend are doing great so far and are having great fun with each other, doing things we've never dreamed of with each other. We're planning to move in together and settle down after Uni, and we're going to travel around America and stuff in our gap year. Going to be great fun.

I completely trust my girlfriend and she trusts me, completely. We've always told each other about everything and are completely honest with each other, despite the distance of 573 miles.

Many people say long distance is hard, but I believe that 'IRL' relationships can be even harder at times; there's a lot of pressure to withstand when you're under constant scrutiny by your partner and sometimes things can get a bit strained if you see each other too much. Any relationship, IRL or online, takes a lot of devotion and work.

Edited March 9, 2009 by RainbowLizard

[Delta Starfire]

You can't be together over the internet. There is no substitute for an IRL relationship, once you've experienced it. You will never be satisfied with the emptiness and loneliness of hollow, typed affection once you've been fortunate enough to experience real affection.

Long-distance relationships, however, can and do work, and it is possible to meet a lover over the internet. But I wouldn't call it much of a relationship if it never transcends its online status and enters the realm of the real. Once you start seeing someone, your relationship has stopped being an online relationship; the internet just becomes a means of keeping in touch over long distances. This is why I only consider two of my past 'romances' to be genuine relationships. Although I've been 'involved' with several other females in between, there was never any possibility of actually meeting them, regardless of the bullshit promises we'd make each other.

Don't get me wrong, you can have an awful lot of fun over the internet, but I seriously question any claim that an online relationship, where those concerned have never met each and probably never will, is as real as a relationship where those concerned can and do see each other and really do things together.

Furthermore, I understand from experience that a lot of us go into online relationships because we can't find anyone IRL. We're not in the cool crowd, we're not necessarily attractive, and we're not very good at expressing ourselves IRL, so we gravitate towards online communities, where we're overwhelmed by the sheer number of people who have similar interests. I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, but taking refuge in online communities and refusing to face the real world just compounds the problem and turns us into fat, spotty, unsociable recluses. If that sounds like a description of you, then you might want to try opening up a bit more. If you're afraid of talking to complete strangers (and I still find it daunting at first, even after three and a half years at university), then you might want to consider going to events like the aforementioned SoS or a furry convention. That way, you'll be dealing with people IRL whom you've met online. But, because it's IRL, you'll learn things about them that you'd never have known online, because people behave differently online to IRL. In fact, that's another reason you really can't be together over the internet; you can 'know' someone for years online and never really know them at all. Sure, people lie IRL all the time, but it's so much easier to lie online.

This is why I've stopped pursuing relationships with anyone online, unless they happen to live within reasonable travelling distance (like, within the UK). It's not impossible to find someone IRL, but you have to at least make some effort. That's paid off for me, fortunately; I've been in a very happy IRL relationship since before Christmas now (although it only really became official in February). She wasn't easy to find, and I did date a couple of dead ends before I found her, but the effort has paid off.

Finally, the less we know about your cockles, Eileanach, the better.

Edited March 9, 2009 by Eon

[Yong]

They can work. I'm just not an example though.

Just don't try to convince anyone who'd rather be in a real, physical relationship to do it, much less anyone who's easily capable of getting into a said real, physical realtionship.

That's really only a small point on the laundry list of what went wrong in my last relationship. But I won't get into that.

[Guest]

Long Distance Relationships

Only kind I have...

I'm homeschooled, so I don't see many people. I don't get out much either, as i'd rather spend my days online.

Put them both together, it makes sense in context. Sorta... =/

[Mollfie]

I admire people who can make long distance relationships work, but personally I can't. I have to be with someone all the time otherwise it just won't work for me. Well done to the successful though!