Long Distance Relationships

[Eileanach]

Eon that was a very interesting read and whilst I agree with some parts of what you have said it isn't always down to people being reclusive that causes them to have online relationships. Sometimes you meet someone online (and whilst I agree you can know people online for years and then meet them in person and they turn out to be nutjobs, I know I've had it happen - luckily not in a relationship sense!) things just click and you sort of "know" they are the right person, but again that can all change from meeting someone in person. You may meet them and find you both don't have as much in common as you think you did originally.

It's one of those "fateful encounters" that happens once in a blue moon to certain people - it's lovely when it happens. Just isn't for everyone.

I do support you though when you say that having real life affection is hard to replace once you step into an online relationship or a long distance one. I guess again that is down to trust and if the person is genuinely willing to meet you one day. If not, what's the point?

I am sorry Eon I will avoid mentioning my cockles from now on, unless it's a special occasion.

[Mollfie]

I know alot of people who have had online relationships that have blossomed into real life ones, many of which are living together now and some that are married. With them all, they weren't looking for someone. They were just friends who talked online, decided to meet up and then things went from there.

[Eileanach]

That's how I like to take things, when you don't want to find love it sort of finds you. When online you can be best buddies until you meet in reality, then it is a make or break scenario.

[Mollfie]

An online friend of mine met her partner online. She knew him for months online but he'd been pretending to be a girl. She found out when another online friend met up with her and told her, she also found out that he lived near her. So her and the guy met up and...ending up making out in the back of his car lol. They've now been together 8 years, a year of so of that was online, the rest of it living together lol. Not exactly what you'd expect to happen!

I think that online/long distance relationships can be good in some ways because you have to talk to each other. You can't be like some couples who don't communicate and just have sex. To make the relationship work you have to speak to each other everday. In some ways, you might know someone better online. I've got some online friends I've known for nearly 11 years and I know more about them then most of my friends, because when you talk to someone online you often feel like you can be more honest and open.

Edited March 9, 2009 by Mollfie

[Eileanach]

My best friend of eleven years lives about an hour away from me but we've only met once and I feel that I can talk to that friend about anything in the world because I've known him so long so I see what you mean about communication. It is also a lot easier to open up to someone in a more text based environment too.

[Indigo Rush]

Long distant relationships, actually, any relationships always manage to fall through for me. I've just not the found right girl I suppose. Maybe it's me...

[Mollfie]

^ You've just not found that awesome person yet, don't worry about it!

I always think that it happens when you're not looking for it. Just when you're happy with how everything is, who you are etc, someone will pop up.

[Eileanach]

It's almost like Love knows you're happy and wants to ruin you again. XD

[Yong]

^ You've just not found that awesome person yet, don't worry about it!

I always think that it happens when you're not looking for it. Just when you're happy with how everything is, who you are etc, someone will pop up.

It's almost like Love knows you're happy and wants to ruin you again. XD

Well that's certainly the impression loves given me. I was perfectly fine being ignorant and oblivious to love. Now I'm a total wreck.

[Eileanach]

Haha. Sadly that's what love does to you. It works out eventually when/if you get it right. If you don't it's just another exercise in pain your heart will overcome.

[Yong]

I'd be on the if side of things. And that's a big if.

[Violet]

An online friend of mine met her partner online. She knew him for months online but he'd been pretending to be a girl. She found out when another online friend met up with her and told her, she also found out that he lived near her. So her and the guy met up and...ending up making out in the back of his car lol. They've now been together 8 years, a year of so of that was online, the rest of it living together lol. Not exactly what you'd expect to happen!

That sounds so awesome O_O.

[JezMM]

I sort of almost was in an online relationship for a week but didn't really care. It fell through because a girl I liked IRL was starting to show signs of liking me so it just seemed a sensible option to end things online and persue the RL girl who I actually had an interest in at the time. I only went with the girl online because "I might as well I guess, I don't exactly get asked out everyday", so I don't even consider it an actual relationship on my "love resumé" so to speak, lol. Nothing against her of course, she was a lovely person and remains one of my best friends to this day (hell, I still feel a little girl GUILTY* about dumping her like that lol).

I don't think I could handle it much anyway. Being with Mollfie has proven to me that I'm very clingy with love so I'd prolly get kinda bored. Molly and I have pretty much never spent a day apart since we started dating last summer (with the exception of visiting parents and such). I'm pretty happy with staying this way for the rest of my life.

*EDITED. That's possibly my worst typo ever.

Edited March 9, 2009 by JezMM

[Runeologic]

My last relationship was indirectly started because of this forum, But that ended a few months back even though I was close enough to go and see her every Saturday.

I feel that Long distance relationships work better because you see the person less so the time spent with them is more special. My Mother and step-dad are together now because of there long distance relationship and I know many others that have made it work, just wish I was one of them. =P

[Badnik Mechanic]

Does anyone else find it interesting how just about everyone so far has put the words "Long distance relationship" and "The internet" in the same post?

I don't quite understand why people are so convinced that long distance relationships don't work when I can list a place that I've seen tons work and chances are many more people will also see them work... That place is university.

Uni is a strange place for relationships. Mainly because if you go to one whilst being in a relationship, you're then forced into the status of being long distance relationship (unless you go to the same one or live in the same town!). Or... if you get into a relationship at uni... come the end of term, thats several weeks of long term relationship loneliness.

Now I've seen people come in both camps and they've survived 3 years of long distance relationship goodness... some have even got married and had kids... yikes!

With any relationship, you get what you put into it. If you can't be bothered then it's never going to work, if you want it to work and do everything you can to make it work, even if it's just the occasional message, or pressent sent in the mail, just anything that lets the other know, 'you mean the world to me.'

But both parties must want it, and must make the effort, otherwise it won't work... just like a relationship in which you live in the same street of house eh?

[Yong]

Does anyone else find it interesting how just about everyone so far has put the words "Long distance relationship" and "The internet" in the same post?

Welcome to the 21st century.

However I did like getting actual letters from my last online girlfriend. After IMing each other for so long, real letters got a personal touch since they were slower and we didn't get them as often. Too bad she decided to stop talking to me period.

[MizukiMoon]

Well, IMO I think long distance relationships are kind of bad, I mean if you fall in love (not that I ever have) it must be awful not being able to see each other every few days, I'd miss them terribly, I could never manage just seeing them every few months or so, to me there wouldn't be much point in having a relationship, it'd be too painful to leave them each time you meet up. On the plus side though, at least when you DO plan to meet up it gives you something to really look forward to.

I personally would NEVER fall in love with someone online, sure I have quite a few friends online who mean alot to me, but I could never fall in love with someone no matter how well I got on with them, at the end of the day you're just typing out words to a computer screen, nothing more, and I could never develop feelings for someone by doing that.

[Eileanach]

Welcome to the 21st century.

I LAWLED.

Casanova you make a good point though I just class university as a part of life and if you live in the same country you can manage to meet regardless if you want to. I usually class long distance as being in a different time zone or whatnot. That's just my view of it though.

[HelenBaby]

Most of the relationships I've observed that have been had to face one party moving from close proximity to some distant place to attend University have not survived. In fact I can't think of a single one that has. But, hey, maybe thats just the folks I know =P

[Strong Bad]

Distance don't matter, yo, it's all about the love, baby.

[Mollfie]

I think Casanova has said it wonderfully. However, none of my friends who were in relationships and then went to Uni, are still in those relationships. Why? Because they didn't work at it or because the relationship wasn't good to begin with.

[Mick]

Just to let ya know, I'm going to be pretty much discussing my relationships, long distance relationships AND in real life relationships too. The names have all been changed to protect their identities. This is a really comprehensive history of my relationships. There were some little long distance relationships in between or somewhere else. But I'm gonna go through the major ones only.

I have been in a few long distance relationships in the past. My first relationship ever was a long distance relationship with a girl who lived in Queens, NY at the time. Her name was Melissa. We met in a 311 chatroom on AOL. I was really into 311 at the time and I wanted to go out with a girl who was into 311. Nothing really mattered when it came to girls, just as long as they were 311 fans. At first we were just friends and we were big 311 fans at the time. We did not really connect at all. It seemed like we did. We snail mailed each other back and forth for a few months in 1999. We also talked over the phone as well. She was a really nice girl. I figured we'd meet IRL at some point in time, but that never happened at all. I remember she sent me a pic through the mail. I was not attracted to her at all. However I'm not shallow and that didn't bother me. My mother surprisingly approved this and she encouraged me to find a way to meet her IRL. That didn't happen until I found that she was seeing some other guy IRL and that made me upset. We went back to being just friends for a week or two. After that, I lost in touch with her. My theory on why she went out with another guy was, because she was shallow. I remember showing her my pic and she didn't really like it. She was covering up the truth by saying I looked OK or I was cute. I dunno, something like that. I sensed she was not into me physically. Oh well, too bad. She shouldn't have been talking, she was butt ugly herself.

I gave up on Melissa and I was not looking to get into any relationship. Later on in 1999, I get an IM from an unfamiliar person. I had a profile on AOL and she found me through the member directory. Her name was Britney. Originally, she was looking to hook up her girl friend with a guy online, just as long as he lived locally. Her friend's name was Janice, by the way. I was supposed to be going out with Janice. I talked to Janice on AOL and we didn't connect at all. So then we exchange numbers. Britney calls me and tells me about her girl friend. I thought her girl friend seemed cool and then I got close to Britney. Britney and I decided to go out. We became boyfriend and girlfriend in the summer of '99. It didn't last that long at all. We also exchanged pics and she thought I was cute. She was very beautiful. She looked like a younger version of Jennifer Love Hewitt (I'm not kidding on this). This was the closest I have ever met someone from online and then meet outside online. We were supposed to meet at Target in the Palisades Mall, but she got scared and she didn't meet me. Now she was extremely honest with me and she said she found a boy even closer to me. This made me a bit sad and this was the first actual breakup I ever had with someone. We didn't really talk to each other anymore after our breakup.

The next relationship I got involved in was the same deal with Melissa, but she was worse. This was sometime in September 1999. I was a friend with this girl only and I intended on being friends with her. However, we were single (or so I thought... I'll get to that later) and we were both into 311. Yep another 311 fangirl. Her name was Sarah. We sort of connected, we talked over the phone and she thought I had a sexy voice. We seemed quite content with each other. We exchanged pictures and she thought I was cute. To me, she wasn't that good looking (but better looking than Melissa). Once again, my mom was thrilled that I found a girl over the net and she wanted us to meet in person. She was also pretty bad too, because I read she made a bomb threat in her high school. That wasn't cool, but I still kept on being in the relationship despite that. Then I found out more information that I wish I didn't knew...

I found out that this girl was sleeping with other boys and she was seeing this one guy named John IRL. I couldn't believe it. AND she was doing this before we got into a relationship as well. So she was pretty much a bitch who was lying to me the whole time. We stopped talking over the phone (thankfully she never haunted me over the phone) and I changed my screen name so she wouldn't be able to talk to me online again.

That was it, I had with long distance relationships. I told myself that I didn't want to get into another. Then sometime in 2000, I get another unfamiliar IM (once again, another broad looking me up through the member directory). This time it's a girl that lived in my town! This was a pleasant surprise and I was very excited. She was single and I was single and it was great. Now I'm not going to tell you her name at all, I HATE this girl with a bloody passion and I will tell you why as you read on. The day after we talk online, I meet her IRL! Yes, this is a true story. Though it doesn't get better. I meet her at the trailer park (that's where she lived) and she was a really heavyset looking girl. We exchanged pics before we met, but I didn't expect her to be that big in person. Nevertheless, I'm not shallow and I was liking her for who she was. We were pretty shy around each other of course. I met her parents. They were pretty nice folks from what I could remember. They were Mets fans though... I was a Yankees fan at the time, so I pretty much didn't talk baseball to them or otherwise there would have been some sorta fight, hehe! Now we only saw each other 3 or 4 times in the flesh. It turns out that she was cheating on me. I found this out one day in class from a classmate who knew this girl. Now stupid me, she went to another school. She went to some rich snobby Catholic school. I knew this beforehand, but I took my chances with another girl who went to another school. Never again... I didn't go out with any girl from another school again after that. This bitch was really crazy.

We broke up, but she still continued to haunt me. She was basically stalking me after I broke up. It was really really annoying. I had to change my screen name twice in order to get away from her. Then she looked me up on MySpace... I had to deny her a few times. She looked up my real name or she was searching for someone single in our town. One thing I'm thankful for is that she didn't haunt me over the phone and she didn't know where I lived. Actually she was too scared of going over my house. I lived in the more affluent area and that intimidated her. She told me this over the phone once, she preferred me to go to her house. I invited her plenty of times to come over my house, but she didn’t want to. Oh well, her loss. So I pretty much got sick and tired of her. Guess what I did? I pretty much shunned her. She was a lying cheat that now that I have shunned her. The first and only dumb bitch I have shunned, because she reeks of sheer stupidity.

The next and last IRL relationship was with a girl I went to school with. Her name was Valerie. This was a very short one. She was really into me, because of my muscles and she was also using me. She was a liar too. I found out she was sleeping with other guys. She told me once I saw she was with another guy at school. Yeah, that wasn’t so good. This happened around 2000-2001 after I broke up.

OK now here is the last long distance relationship I was in. It was with this girl named Fiona. Fiona was from Southern California. We got into this relationship sometime in 2001. This was a little bit after my disastrous first IRL with that dumb girl from AOL. Well Fiona happened to be some girl from AOL too. Fiona and I never exchanged anything except for exchanging words through AOL only. We met in some member created guitar players chatroom in Arts & Entertainment. It was where I met a lot of people. She was a guitar player, she was cool, she was a blonde, I thought she was suitable. I didn't really get too deep in this one. I changed my screen name after some fiasco (another story for another time) with someone and I totally forgot to give her my new screen name. I'm glad I didn't give much info, she never sent me a pic or anything like that. She could have been some 45 year old perv who was desperate for young men.

Anyhow now it gets better! It’s a long story how I got into my current relationship and how I'm with a man now. That's another story for another time. So I’m going to cut to the chase. On March 23, 2008, I decide to get into a relationship with fellow SSMB member STK. Ya know what? This is the best relationship I’ve been and he’s the best. He makes me extremely happy. I believe he is the one for me. I am truly in love with him. Unlike my past relationships, I never told any of those broads (long distance and IRL) that I loved ‘em. Plus we never we fooled around and I never even kissed ‘em and stuff like that. I’m saving all of that for STK. I believe STK is the one for me. I love him a lot and he is absolutely the best. I know our long distance relationship will transition into an IRL relationship when the time comes. It’s going to take some time, but I know it will be worth it. It will work out and I will be the happiest boy alive when we meet in person for the first time ever.

[Mollfie]

I believe STK is the one for me. I love him a lot and he is absolutely the best. I know our long distance relationship will transition into an IRL relationship when the time comes. It’s going to take some time, but I know it will be worth it. It will work out and I will be the happiest boy alive when we meet in person for the first time ever.

I have to say that, that's so cute and awesome, and I think it should give other hope that things can work out brilliantly.

[Gold]

Heh, I've had a few long distance relationships, but they never worked out. I was always ditched for someone irl, and the one serious relationship I had ended in disaster. @.@ But really, my view on this is love knows no boundaries. Being the hermit I am, I have yet to even have an irl relationship, only because no-one had interested me. I find people to be more open online sometimes. xD

[Eileanach]

Aww I need to agree with Mollfie what Foxboy has said is lovely and should give other people a little bit of hope that not everything is shit as far as long distance is concerned.