Long Distance Relationships

[Violet]

To do an entirely serious post, I've never been THAT adventurous with relationships. The ones I did have were formed in an IRC chatroom where everybody knew everybody and thus I felt safe in that environment. That lasted for a couple of months till I went out with apersonoldiesshouldknow in 2005 for about a year or so. We've stopped talking for years, and I guess it really put me off relationships for a while.

It took me about 3 years to get over myself and to actually find somebody completely out of the blue <.<. Suffice to say, I'm happy. Sure he isn't from the norms I know; eg Sonic / artist etc, but we're so alike in personality that I find myself content and that's what truly matters.

I still think having a boyfriend/girlfriend is weird though, I can't shake off that habit xD. Goddamn Americans.

Edited March 10, 2009 by Violet

[Eileanach]

I think after being single for a long time you get used to your own company and thinking of yourself so it is odd to have someone else to think about in your equations all the time. I sympathise with you Violent. XD

[Strong Bad]

I went out with apersonoldiesshouldknow in 2005 for about a year or so. We've stopped talking for years, and I guess it really put me off relationships for a while.

Strong Bad misses Violet's Bitch

Yeah, bad relationships can definitely make one uncomfortable with them and less willing to get into one.

Edited March 10, 2009 by Strong Bad

[CapnCloudchaser]

I think the people who refuse to ever fall in love/look for online relationships because of the difficulties concerned might fail to open themselves up to some interesting experiences. If you believe in all that soul mate stuff, can you be so sure that your soul mate happens to live within the same country as you, within the same town, even?

And those who think online relationships are only for losers probably don't view their online friends as important as their offline ones. Whilst offline friends are usually higher up in the hierarchy because they are close enough to hang around with often, don't neglect the richness of friendship you can get from people all around the world that you may not ever meet otherwise.

On that same point, why do cultural differences matter? I think having a partner from a different country would be really interesting

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have my own interests and my own space. Online relationships work okay for me because I don't need to spend every waking second with my loved one in order to feel connected and loved. Sometimes not being able to be with each other physically can add to the romance when you see each other next

[Katanga Askar]

My friend has been in a long term relationship for 2 years with a girl he met IRL, and continues to meet IRL. They seem pretty happy, but I don't think it's something I could do. Especially if something happened to them.

[Mollfie]

I wouldn't be able to have a long distant relationship, I need to be with them. I spend all my time with Jez. I actually miss him if we've just not talked much that day because we've been doing work or somethig.

[Eileanach]

As romantic and loving as I am a lot of people say I am better off being single. To an extent I agree because I am quite anti-social and I love having A LOT of time to myself. I can busy myself in my own company quite happily with little contact from others. I just like my own company I guess and don't require another person to make me feel complete, if I have someone I put my all into it but... I like being single too.

[Aoi]

If you ever like them enough. Go for it

[Covskin]

I just can't see myself having the kind of patience to have a long-term relationship. It would just be so...frustrating.

My brother though, is one of those rare success stories. He started talking to someone from Australia (hellish time difference) over 5 years ago. 2005, he went to visit her for 3 months. The following February, she came over here for a month. 2007, he went back there for 2 months. Now she's managed to come over her for Uni for a year and is halfway through it.

They got engaged in January.

Its all up in the air what they plan to do next (she still needs to finish her whole Uni course), so no idea where the wedding will be, or where they'll live, but I fnid it all mighty impressive.

Nearest thing I've got is an internet buddy from Canada who I've talked to for a similar amount of time, and actually met for one day last year when they were scouting for Post-Grad Uni course in England. They've managed to snag a place in London, so it'll be cool to see them when I get a chance. Long-distance...friendship, I guess.

[7Force]

As romantic and loving as I am a lot of people say I am better off being single. To an extent I agree because I am quite anti-social and I love having A LOT of time to myself. I can busy myself in my own company quite happily with little contact from others. I just like my own company I guess and don't require another person to make me feel complete, if I have someone I put my all into it but... I like being single too.

I agree with you on some of those points where I enjoy my own company. Quite a few women have shot me down over the years; the last one dumped me October 2008 and I cant understand why this happens all the time, I’m nice to them a great talker and try and be honest as much as possible with them. But its got to the point when I get chucked for no real reason other then the ”your not what I’m looking for” excuse which really gets on my nerves. These days I’m just being happy being single for the time being although I do want a girlfriend but it does give me time to do my own thing but I would not mind the company.

[Sean]

I've been in three online relationships (I guess I'm just too much of a HOMOFAGGOT for offline action - no, girls in high school were really comfortable around me probably because they thought I was gay, since I used to act pretty flamboyant). First lasted for two years, second lasted for nine months, and third... lasted for three weeks.

I don't think online relationships have any advantage to speak of compared to real-life ones, mainly because nothing beats being able to physically be around the one you love, but it can be a pretty interesting way to start out a relationship, if it manages to flourish. Appearances tend to play a much smaller factor for online relationships than offline ones, at least from what I've seen, so a lot of times people like going for others for their personality. I know I fell in love with my second girlfriend long before I even knew what she looked like, having been best friends for over a year at the time.

Edited March 11, 2009 by Jake

[Eileanach]

7Force I am glad you agree. Although I am sorry to hear what lame ass excuses women are giving you when they break up. I appreciate a bit of honesty and feedback in my relationships if someone is breaking up with me I really want to know why so that for the next time whenever that is I can avoid making the same mistake or even try to make it work with the current one.

Stupid excuses like "It's me and not you" or "you're not what I am looking for" are get away excuses and quite pathetic really.

[Johnny Sasaki]

I never had a offline relationship before so I can't say what I am missing. I just have a hard time get close enough to anyone to start a relationship in real life. *is a lot more laid back in online then he is offline* But yeah. I'm going to say about 70% of a relationship is a personality thing and less about looks which makes internet dating a bit better in that aspect, but it would still be nicer to find someone in real life that would care about me.

Most of my relation ships only last a couple of months though. The distance does take a toll on a relationship too.

[Eileanach]

That's one of the hardest things Johnny, being able to tolerate the distance, it is never easy.

[Gabz Girl]

I know what some of you mean, that having a long distance relationship can be hard because you really want to be with that person and stuff.

But do you know what really helps for me, which is why I can handle this? A good ol' cam and mic chat on MSN. I have one with my boyfriend almost every single day and it really does help. Everytime I speak to him I just feel closer to him than just typing. Plus I get to see him on the cam, which is lovely of course. <3 If he didn't have both cam and mic though, I wouldn't have known what to do.

[Kevin]

As romantic and loving as I am a lot of people say I am better off being single. To an extent I agree because I am quite anti-social and I love having A LOT of time to myself. I can busy myself in my own company quite happily with little contact from others. I just like my own company I guess and don't require another person to make me feel complete, if I have someone I put my all into it but... I like being single too.

Eileanach, that' exatly how I feel when it come to relationships in general. I'm a bit of a loner, so it never bothered me if I didn't have a girlfriend or lived alone. It comes down to me liking to do things by myself (that's not to say I don't mind meeting a friend for an event), and just happy being single in general.

But do you know what really helps for me, which is why I can handle this? A good ol' cam and mic chat on MSN. I have one with my boyfriend almost every single day and it really does help. Everytime I speak to him I just feel closer to him than just typing. Plus I get to see him on the cam, which is lovely of course. <3 If he didn't have both cam and mic though, I wouldn't have known what to do.

A webcam/voice chat can be much more engaging than a simple text chat due to getting to see and hear one's emotions since text doesn't always represent the other person's emotions.

[Mollfie]

When Jez is away we'll msn with the cams on cos it's just nice to see each others faces.

[Johnny Sasaki]

Usually I'm the one that gets broken up with though.*is getting ready to be single again* I'm with this girl who doesn't like relationships and put a limit on ares.*has only got like a week now he thinks* I have lost track of the days again.

*is kind of down cause of this*

[Eileanach]

Kevin I am glad we think alike in that respect. Yes I love to do tasks and things on my own but I do love going out to see friends, go to the cinema, have a meal or a drink and just chat. That is great fun. I find relationships tend to cause a lot more problems and heartaches. It's nice to love someone and be loved but relationships are messy when it all goes arse over elbow.

Ah the ol' "I didn't get what you mean by that text" remark is a good one that is hard to overcome. Sometimes I say things and people get confused as they think I am being serious when I was just saying something in playful jest so voice conversation is a lot easier as it least the correct tone is passed across.

[Violet]

Kevin I am glad we think alike in that respect. Yes I love to do tasks and things on my own but I do love going out to see friends, go to the cinema, have a meal or a drink and just chat. That is great fun. I find relationships tend to cause a lot more problems and heartaches. It's nice to love someone and be loved but relationships are messy when it all goes arse over elbow.

Ah the ol' "I didn't get what you mean by that text" remark is a good one that is hard to overcome. Sometimes I say things and people get confused as they think I am being serious when I was just saying something in playful jest so voice conversation is a lot easier as it least the correct tone is passed across.

One thing I must say, is that once you get over losing something you're not going to get back, time helps a lot and being single isn't the end of the world, especially when we're so young and all .

[Eileanach]

I didn't say it was the end of the world and I know we are resilient and can get someone else if we try I was just saying after all the complexity a lengthy "holiday" from relationships is always nice and welcomed by me.

[Dark Hero]

I am in a long-distance relationship (currently now for a year and 7 months), as it is state-wise. We both live in the USA, but seeing as I live in the state of Louisiana and my boyfriend in Mississippi, I've come to say we are both very lucky. We're about 3 hours and 12 minutes apart from where we actually live so yeah. Um, other than that, I met him back in 2005 on the old SSMB before we all had to start over on this one. He was known as Necro Czervik or Tails Prower, but I highly doubt he'll make a return here.

Anyway, my experiences are pretty much very identical to what you all are/have experienced as well. Sure, we live close (state-wise), but we still never get to see each other. This is often due to either side of the family with their financial problems or other plans. We always hope to see each other in the summer, as that is pretty much the best time that we can. It's been two summers and we still haven't met. I think last summer was very close, but we've not. I guess it is safe to assume that both sides of the family accept us pretty much so that's a good thing.

While we do find ways to cope with isolation pain, I, on the other hand, can't seem to deal with it as much. It agonizes me to even think about him, as he is never around me, but I do, again, find ways to cope, such as cuddle around/sleep with a stuffed teddy bear that he got me on Valentines Day or listen to a bunch of love songs (mainly Journey's music). There are things such as school that gets in the way so that tends to take me far from my thinking. Though I'm not saying it is a bad thing for me... it just pains me sometimes, or to better put simply, give a me a mixture of emotions. We do, however, talk to each other daily on AIM (and sometimes MSN) so that's a lovely thing.

My thoughts on a long-distance relationship (as with this one) is that a successful one does indeed exist. It just takes a little effort and patience for someone to perhaps give him/her a call or show up online. Along with those factors are Trust/Honesty (they go together like cake and ice cream xD) and Commitment. If both lovers show this type of behavior daily (in my terms), a long-distance relationship may very well work, and soon enough, it will become a RL relationship! It just takes some time so it should not consume one to think that he/she is not the "one."

Yeah. That's my thoughts. =)

[7Force]

7Force I am glad you agree. Although I am sorry to hear what lame ass excuses women are giving you when they break up. I appreciate a bit of honesty and feedback in my relationships if someone is breaking up with me I really want to know why so that for the next time whenever that is I can avoid making the same mistake or even try to make it work with the current one.

Stupid excuses like "It's me and not you" or "you're not what I am looking for" are get away excuses and quite pathetic really.

Thanks for the reply. I am like that in I want to know why they chucked me so that I wont make the same mistake twice but it pisses me off when i get some lame excuse, when that happens i get angry and think fuck it and move on.

Back on topic I've never had a long distance relationship because when i am in one i want to be able to see them in person every now and again rather then talking over the interweb. In my view i dont really see the point in them.