Ultimate Sonic the Hedgehog - Butt Spanking New Fanfiction Series

[Azul]

So first off, who the hell am I and what the hell is this?

I'm an irregular poster here, but really, who the hell cares? Why do I matter and why am I deserving of the precious short time you have on this planet?

If you were expecting some long winded anecdote about my past, why I love Sonic, and what led me to the inception of this project, 

YOU WERE WRONG.

This is a Sonic forum. That means fast. If you're doing a Sonic but you're not going fast, you're doing it wrong.

So long story fast, I had a few ideas for a Shadow Fanfic some years back, thought about it but never materialized it, read Ultimate Spider-Man, figured "Hey, this isn't a totally horrible alternate take on a classic," and then thought "Hey, you know what'd be great? A BLT with extra cheese and a Red Bull. Oh, a Sonic fanfiction isn't too terrible of an idea either."

Taking cues from US, US is an alternate take of Sonic the Hedgehog mythology/lore that seeks to, while modernizing is the wrong term, make sense out of the cluttered Sonic canon by offering explanations for how the Sonic World operates, why the characters behave the way they do, and utilizing concepts that the games and comics have yet to optimize. Or in other words, it rationalizes the universe with the added hint of originality.

Now, you're probably thinking "Hehehe...Nice try Azul. We all know Sonic fan fiction is a dime a dozen. Spare me the cringe collage of inaccurate characterizations, wish fulfilling concepts, and OCs."

Again, YOU ARE WRONG

First of all, that deduction you just made is a heuristic that you've convinced yourself is correct even though you've never read it. You might have seen a few...or a lot of bad Sonic FFs. Or you might just be biased. But, the world is on a much large scale than your individual experience up to this point. You might think nothing can surprise you or that you've seen it all, but if that was the case then you wouldn't have bothered reading this far. In fact, that defeats the purpose for trying anything ever.

It's called curiosity.

Second, while I have no problem if you're just not interested, you can't really form an opinion about this unless you actually have a gander at this. You can say "Yeah, this'll suck," but what would be the rational foundation for that thesis? Even if you have familiarized yourself with my past writings, assuming I've got the exact same skills as I did back then is just another heuristic. As time goes, people grow. Not only that, but it's also fairly condescending to think you can predict my rate of growth based on a few patters you've convinced yourself of seeing in my behavior.

Ironically, this turned into a fairly long winded post anyway and became more about why you should read my fanfiction and less about its premise. But, you read this far. You took time out of your day to hear me out. You can either decide that you've wasted your time and go about your merry way, blissfully ignorant in spite of deceiving yourself out of laziness. Or, you can satisfy your curiosity and take part in the next great adventure of your life.

After all, you've made it this far. And yet, you haven't even touched the tip of the tip of the ice berg. You've merely made a passing glance. So come on in. The water's fine. (And don't try to be clever by saying "I can't swim." Get a lifeboat you weeniesaurus.)

Whoops, I think I dropped something. Clumsy me.

Don't forget to comment! If you're willing to complain, surely you're willing to offer me advice to better myself. Really let me have it. I'm a glutton for punishment.