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The Nightmare, Fur Covered Xbox Sonic 2 Controllers

GX -The Spindash-

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Because I can't get this out of my head today, join me in observing these... just miserable looking controllers and describing them in colorful ways.


These controllers can't have been manufactured. I believe they were found somewhere in South America and had naturally evolved a bluetooth connection.

The hair grows over time, and you need to shave the controller at least once a week.

They mate for life, and if the battery on one dies, the other quickly follows.

Never before have I had to sit down and discuss puberty to a piece of gaming hardware.

After McDonalds shifted their marketing plans, this was the only job that the unemployed Fry Guys could get.

The controllers don't have vibrate functionality. They just emit a human scream.

During testing, one Xbox employee was rumored to have been consumed by the controller, just being absorbed into the hair. These rumors are still being investigated.

If you attach googly eyes, the controllers become Rare characters.

If you have voice commands enabled and call for your controller, it will sprout long, thin spider legs and skitter over to you.

These controllers are the final boss of Elden Ring.

If you wonder what happened to the original CG movie Sonic, well, now you know.

If you prick your finger and let a drop of your own blood drip onto the controller, a new button will appear on that spot the following morning.

If you completely peel off all the fur, there's a Dualsense controller underneath.

If all four controllers were to ever be brought together and synced to a single Xbox, it would awaken Jörmungandr the World Serpent, and Ragnarok would commence.

If you begin to notice white flakes appear on the controller, you'll need to switch its shampoo to a moisturizing formula.

Data miners have discovered files to suggest these controllers are the next unlockable characters in Sonic Forces Speed Battle.

If you need to send the controller back to Microsoft for repairs, it MUST wear a recovery cone until it has fully healed, or else it may try to chew or scratch at the stitches.

Game Pass Ultimate subscribers can download the hair to their own controllers, or to their phones via xCloud.

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6 minutes ago, Rabbitearsblog said:

Why in the world would they want to make furry controllers in the first place?

XD Because as we've seen thus far, Paramount's advertising campaign for this movie has been ENTIRELY tactful. Absolutely no trash-tier grasps at virality up in here.

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