Experiment: the story of Sonic Lost World is not that bad actually, only the script needed some changes

[TearForFear]

(INTRO)

Before we begin, here are some things this series of posts are NOT:

-a rant about Pontac and Graff

-a rant about Sonic Lost World

-a complete rewrite of the game’s plot

Now, what IS this all about?

UNPOPULAR OPINION: I think Pontac & Graff did a decent job in coming up with a plot for a videogame structured like any other New Super Mario Bros out there. I seriously doubt they had the power to force SEGA to make a Tails Boss Fight or discard the final boss with Eggman.

So, with what they had (not much), they did fairly well.

In terms of plot, I mean. The script, however, is another issue. You know what I’m talking about: Tails snapping at Sonic, Sonic lamenting that he was too slow… These aspects could have been easily fixed if only SEGA bothered at least 5% more.

I know, the Japanese version changed something, but those two examples above were still there.

And here’s when I come in to make everything better Not by changing the entire story, just the dialogues. Let’s see if I can do better, and let’s start with the intro cutscene.

In the original, Sonic says “drop the critters”, Eggman drops them and THEN says “if you insist”. Which doesn’t make much sense, he should have said that BEFORE dropping the capsule.

In the original, Tails commented with “Woah that’s harsh!”. For someone who’s PART of the action and is not named Deadpool, this is uncalled for.

 

Taking advantage of the fact the mouths are not so visible, I added a couple of lines. Why? Simple, to establish right away that Tails cares about Sonic’s well being and he’s there for him when needed (a theme of the story).

Meanwhile, I gave Sonic the line about turning around to save the animals. That’s the kind of guy Sonic is: first he saves innocents, then he kicks Eggman.

(Let’s give Mike Pollock more chances to ham it up)

Tails is as flabbergasted as Sonic to see a broken planet in the sky. The name “Lost Hex” will be said much later.

At the start of the level Windy Hill Act1, we see Sonic dropping onto the level while Tails is still flying with the Tornado. I think this echange will bring much sense to that fact.

 

 

[TearForFear]

PART 1: Windy Hill

 

In the original, Sonic says that he only got one capsule of animals (which ain’t true if the player bothered to complete the level at 100%).

Now, the subject of saving animals is pushed aside in favour of the bigger issue of THE SMALL PLANET IN THE SKY. Knuckles finds the whole story unbelievable (and also establishes to the viewers that Sonic is usually a jokester).

While in the original game Amy seemed to care only about the small animals, now she’s also worried about Sonic (and Tails too).

No need to change the dialogues here. We see what Eggman is doing with the animals, we’re introduced with the new villains, we’re getting hints of things that will be explained later.

No more “Deadly Six”. The name “Zeti” is already dropped here, as well as the first bit of informations about them.

 

In the original Eggman refers to Zazz by his name. Which is kind of out of character for the doctor: he only sees the Zeti as tools, why would he bother to learn their names (especially since in a later cutscene he calls Zomom as “fat one”)

The following banter between Zazz and Sonic is just perfect as it was already, no need to change.

What NEEDS to be changed, on the other hand…

 

…is Tails. There are better ways to establish his status as the little genius then making him BRAG about his feats. Tails doesn’t BRAG about his intelligence.

We’re already seeing Tails fixing the plane, there’s no need to make him talk about his other past McGyver-esque successes.

Instead, I take the chance to both humbling Tails down AND drop more hints of lore about this unnanemd planet in the sky.

Tails gestures at the plane not to say “see, I fixed it, piece of cake”, but to say “I can’t wait to fly back home (with the plane)”. The gestures and the new dialogue still matches. Kinda.

And Sonic, being the impatient guy he is, urges Tails to wrap it up and focus on the current task at hand, without undermining Tails’ feelings.

 

 

 

[TearForFear]

Part 2: Desert Ruins

This part is…surprisingly fine in the original. The only major change happens in the final cutscene, the one where Sonic kicks off the plot… and the shell.

We’re introduced to the shell and get a basic idea of how Eggman forces the Zeti to work for him.

Zomom’s introduction. That’s it, that’s the point.

We’re introduced to the Extractor, the life-sucking machine. Again, no need for changes. Except for one line…

In the original, Zavok comments “speak for yourself” in respons to Eggman stating that he doesn’t mean to destroy the world.

I don’t think Zavok wants to destroy the world… just yet.

If you think Sonic acts like a little prick in this scene… well, you’re right. But keep in mind two things:

1) Zomom attacked first, in Desert Ruins Act 2

2) Zomom has the last word when he smacks Sonic upside the head.

I think they’re even.

And now, the Main Event!

So far, so good. By the way, I think “I hone your abilities; I equip you with the most powerful mechs I can create; I even give you a giant sandwich, and you still disappoint me!” is a great example of the “Arson Murder and Jaywalking” trope.

And then, here comes Sonic. In the original, Sonic kicks the shell away… just because. He just thought it was another weapon, Meanwhile, Tails took an eternity realising that the shell it’s the thing controlling the Zeti (Tails, dude, you just need to watch the scene to understand it.)

In my version, their motivations are way different.

Now, Sonic acts out of the goodness of his heart. He sees Eggman torturing people, he jumps to the save.

Meanwhile Tails (doing his researches on the Miles Electric) realizes one secon too late that the Zeti are alien to such concepts like friendship.

The Zeti strike back. In the commotion, Orbot gets damaged and his voice chip glitches out.

Before, he started talking in pirate. In my version, however…

…he recycles bits of Eggman’s PSAs from Sonic Colors.

More chaos ensues, and Tails gets hurt.

In the original… sigh… Tails finds the strenght to throw shades at Sonic. When Sonic laments that he should have listened to Tails, the fox (still battered and bruised) mutters “…you think?”. 

No one likes a “I told you so!” guy.

So, what did I do to save Tails from this mischaracterization?

I made him DEAF. Temporarily, don’t worry.

 

[TearForFear]

Part 3: Tropical Coast (1/2)

The gang gathers at Tropical Coast. Orbot makes a Shakespearian reference with Cubot’s severed head, while Cubot’s voice chip is stuck on “Eggman’s PSAs” mode.

(It’s funny because Eggman is talking with himself)

I know Tails may sound like a Pokedex here, but this is the only way I can insert a bit of informations about who the Zeti are (in the original game the emphasis was all on their powers and the shell)

Yeah yeah, Sonic is jerk to Eggman… And why wouldn’t he? At this point in the story, Sonic doesn’t know yet that he put the whole world in danger. All he knows is that the Zeti are now in control of Eggman’s army and he still has to save all the animals kidnapped.

The cutscene proceeds as usual, with Eggman wishing Sonic to be ate alive and Sonic asking for anyone who thinks Eggman is a bonehead to raise their hand. I see nothing wrong with that.

The introduction of Master Zik is already good.

As well as the next cutscene, in which Zik comments on Sonic’s potential and Zomom saying the he cares more about squeezing Eggman to death as revenge.

From this point on, I decided to give a spin.

In the original, Zavok just discards Zomom’s plan to eat Eggman, saying “there are better ways to make him suffer”. Here, Zavok doesn’t deny the idea.

(That won’t be the last pearl of wisdom from Master Zik)

I’m patting myself in the back for giving Zomom a reason to be in this cutscene.

Back to our heroes. The next scene is one of the most poignant of the story.

Here, Amy’s description of what’s happening is rather vague… as it should be, since the devastating effects of the Extractor hadn’t manifested yet.

Suddendly, an off-screen Knuckles!

This is why Sonic will remain mostly cheerful for the rest of the adventure (up until Tails’ kidnapping): he doesn’t know yet how dire the situation actually is.

 

[TearForFear]

Part 4: Tropical Coast (2/2)

 

Master Zik approaches Sonic before their second Boss Fight.

In the original, the dialogue it’s the most generic concentrarion of “prepare yourself, I’ll give you a lesson, fight me if you dare!…”.

Now, it’s more personal.

Sonic doesn’t forget, ever.

Personally, I like how Master Zik was written in the original game. It was him ho took interest in Sonic, it was HIS idea to kidnap Sonic, and it was HIM who made Zavok. In a sense, Zik was the real mastermind of the Deadly Six.

I just wanted to make that more clear with this new dialogue.

Before, Eggman was already proposing an alliance, even before stating the reason why. Here it’s the other way around.

Come on, what else can you call an extractor built by Eggman?

The gravity of the situation dawns on Sonic (but for to the fully extent, when they’ll realize living people are in danger too it will be already too late).

And Tails here is more concerned about Sonic rather than annoyed at his stupidity. This is Eggman’s job.

NEXT TIME: how to fix the worst cutscene in the game and give it sense.

 

[TearForFear]

Part 5: Frozen Factory (1/2)

 

So, the most infamous scene in the game. But first, let’s fix the only mistake that wasn’t a fault of the script.

There, I covered SEGA’s lack of motivation to model a factory.

So, Tails fixes Cubot’s voice, Cubot thanks him, and it’s all downhill from here.

Seriously, the first time I watched the cutscene I thought Tails was kind of possessed by the evil influence of the Zeti in the air or something like that.

It didn’t help that Tails’ VA (Kate Higgins) gave the little fox an exaggeratedly grumpy voice.

I think Colleen O’Shaughnessey does a better job in making a convincingly angry Tails. So, let’s hear my new dialogue with her voice in mind.

In the original, Tails was more concerned about Eggman being a phony technical genius (rather than, you know, the fact Eggman WAS THEIR ARCHENEMY)

Instead of putting words into Sonic’s mouth (”You don’t trust me to do it! You trust Eggman more!”), Tails is only stating his own cause. And, adding his more reasonable concerns about Eggman, it’s understandable that the little fox wants to fix the machine himself.

Also, here Tails is not angry AT Sonic, he’s just frustrated at the whole situation.

And Sonic, caught between a rock and a hard place, is left almost speechless.

Sonic doesn’t mean to hurt Tails’ feelings.

While in the original dialogue Tails outright talks over Sonic (”I trust you, Tails, it’s just-” “NO YOU DON’T YOU TRUST EGGMAN MORE”), here he’s triggered by the magic word “but”.

At this point, Sonic has to confess his own feelings. To do so, I kept a line from the original dialogue and gave it a new meaning.

There. No more “This bites me, that bites me more, no you bite the most!”. Now the characters speak their own minds.

Also, with the last line I kinda wrapped up the whole argument between Sonic and Tails. While in the original, their “falling out” just ended with no explanation, here Tails orders Eggman to take back his insult to Sonic being a bad friend.

No need to elaborate, just the fact Tails jumps to defend Sonic is enough to tell that the fox understood the hedgehog’s point and doesn’t have any resentment towards him at all.

…now, onto an easier scene to change

I decided to crown Zeena as Zavok’s number 2 just to make her more important and menacing (otherwise Zavok would have been stuck with the two less threatening Zetis when he’ll eventually confront Sonic in Lava Mountain).

Also, in the original dialogue almost EVERY line started with the word “well”.

Yes, what Zavok says in the end is impled to be another quote from Master Zik. And it won’t be the last time this “price” will be mentioned.

 

[TearForFear]

...does anybody here care?

[jungle_penguins]

I like Lost World's story and I like some of these edits, but were you genuinely expecting people to scroll through all of this? Not even halfway through the story either. No one else is going to say it so I guess I will. 

 

[TearForFear]

On 12/29/2022 at 8:35 PM, jungle_penguins said:

But were you genuinely expecting people to scroll through all of this? Not even halfway through the story either. No one else is going to say it so I guess I will. 

No, NO, I didn't expect people to scroll through all of this.

Just as books publishers don't expect people to read their books in one go.

I just expected people to read my posts. postSSSS, plural. This thread is composed of multiple posts, you're not supposed to read all of them in one go, because that was never the intention. I expected people to read and comment the singular posts.

But since no one was commenting, I asked if anyone here actually cared.

And your reason... Everyone's reason, since you seems to talk for everybody and no one else corrected you... Is that it's too bothersome to READ? This is a forum, in which you READ every single post! But now, apparently, the act of READING is suddendly too bothersome and hard and tedious to do?

God, this is stupid. Fuck this forum. Goodbye and no thanks for the memories.

[jungle_penguins]

2 hours ago, TearForFear said:

No, NO, I didn't expect people to scroll through all of this.

Just as books publishers don't expect people to read their books in one go.

I just expected people to read my posts. postSSSS, plural. This thread is composed of multiple posts, you're not supposed to read all of them in one go, because that was never the intention. I expected people to read and comment the singular posts.

But since no one was commenting, I asked if anyone here actually cared.

And your reason... Everyone's reason, since you seems to talk for everybody and no one else corrected you... Is that it's too bothersome to READ? This is a forum, in which you READ every single post! But now, apparently, the act of READING is suddendly too bothersome and hard and tedious to do?

God, this is stupid. Fuck this forum. Goodbye and no thanks for the memories.

It's possible people just don't like Lost World, but I got the vibe (someone could call it wrong if they see this and disagree) that people check out when they see what's going to be a screencapture by screencapture, subtitle by subtitle rewrite of at least 20 minutes of cutscenes. For what it's worth, I did read through all of this thread anyway, because Lost World is cool and it isn't a writer rant. I don't like to disparage people's effort and feel terrible for doing so, that's my bad.